Me And My Shadows

It Figures

2011-09-03T22:11:00.000-05:00

The theme song to Psych seems to fit every guy I've been in contact with over the last two years. What in the world is up with guys? Crazy.

You Did What?

2011-08-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

The school lost my daughter. I went to pick the girls up from school. It's been two weeks, and has now become routine. Well, I thought it had. Only Aidan came out. She was crying hard and very upset. One of the teachers told me that she kept repeating "Sophia" over and over. Aidan told me that Sophia was gone. That can't be, I dropped her off that morning. I look at the teacher, who then kinda whispered, "you have another child, don't you?" Ya think?

The flurry of walkie talkie conversations around the school starts. I'm starting to get worried, but I need to help Aidan first. She's so upset that her stomach was rock hard. She was getting to the point that any moment she might throw up. After a couple of minutes I see Sophia. She's crying and upset. It seems that she had been trying to tell the grown ups that she was a car rider, but they put her on a bus! She's never ridden a bus, so I'm not sure what they were thinking. I don't know where the bus that she got put on was going. I really am trying not to think about what could have happened had the bus actually driven away with her on it.

I did manage to get the girls calmed down and in the car. I had to drive away before I ended up going to jail. Glenn and I will be discussing removing the girls from this school and continuing homeschool as this has really messed with them, and is just another thing in the long line of what the hell that this school has done. Aidan was so very upset by this that she wet herself. I'm not going to have my children worried that they'll be unable to come home at night, and end up on a strange bus going who knows where.

With all of their stupid precautions, this should never have happened. Not at all. I cannot believe that it did, and I'm livid.

It's What Time?

2011-08-17T07:55:00.000-05:00

I'm not a morning person. As far as I can tell, I never have been. That being said, 5:30 is really darn early in the morning. I don't like seeing it. Even when I worked a regular day job I didn't have to get up this early. To get the girls out the door on time for school, it's a must. School starts at 7:20 in the morning. I don't understand how the whole thing works, but the younger you are, the earlier you start. The high school kids are just starting to hit the bus stop at 7:15. I think that this state has this backward. The little kids should be going later, in my opinion. I just think it's crazy to have my very young children up so early. They eat lunch at 10 in the morning. Who eats lunch that early?

The economy is crap. I'm struggling like I never have. There are no jobs to be found here. None. I don't know if it's because it's a military town, or because it's such a small town, or what. It's a little scary. My dad insists that there are jobs aplenty up in his neck of the woods. From what I understand of people living up there, this is really not true. I've got at least two friends that live in his town that have been trying to get jobs for over a year. It's easy to say there are jobs when you either don't need one, or already have one. The reality is that nobody is hiring. Especially not a 40 year old who has been out of the workforce for 8 years. I'm fighting an uphill battle, I think. I do know that I'm scared to death that I'll never find anything, and that I won't be able to provide for my kids.

Bummer Post, Just Skip It

2011-08-16T19:18:00.002-05:00

Aidan stayed home sick today. She and Sophia seem to have shared something. Sophia had a fever over the weekend, but Aidan is a few days behind. Because she was so miserable this morning, and had a fever, I kept her home. One week of school and she already has a sick day. This doesn’t give me hope for the rest of the year. I just hope that Aidan gets better soon. She just looks miserable.

It’s been a long time since I had any real me time. Yes, I have a few hours after the girls go to sleep at night, but it’s not what I’m talking about. No, I cannot get a babysitter. What nobody really has known is that I live in a pretty crime ridden area. I wouldn’t trust my neighbors if you paid me. There are police here a lot, sometimes for shootings. Most of the times for robbery and drugs. Two of the apartments across from me are drug havens. There are people coming and going at all hours of the day and night. It’s a little scary, actually. Would you trust these people? I didn’t think so. It’s what comes from living in the cheapest apartments the town has to offer. That being said, there are no sitters for me.

When I was single before, I had lots of friends. I got out. I did things. I have nothing here. It’s made especially hard when everything is so far away. Gas is expensive. That, and it’s a military town. That means that people are constantly moving out. All of the people that I did know here have since moved to new duty stations. There are days that I’d give just about anything for a hug. Grownup conversation comes mostly from my upstairs neighbor. He creeps me out a bit, though. If you saw him on the street, you’d think he was a homeless bum. All the way down to the rope holding his pants up. I only see him about twice a week. It’s a lonely, lonely time.

My hair is falling out in clumps. It’s pretty bad. What’s left is almost totally white, too. I realized just how bad it was after I finally had the chance to dye my hair for the first time in forever. I looked about ten years younger. The entire experience made me cry. I realize I’m not 20, but I don’t want to look 60 just yet. It’s almost all been within the last year that this transformation has come over me. At least to this degree. I’m going to end up a white haired baldish lady, and I don’t like it. I’m tired, I hurt, and I’m sad and lonely. Great combo, isn’t it?

I have to ask myself what in the world I’ve done to end up with this life. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. Very little of it has actually been happy, and that which was, was a lie. I’ve struggled for my entire adult life. Tried and tried, and been burned so many times that it isn’t funny. It’s like if it can happen, it’s going to be happen to me. It would be nice if I could remove the cosmic kick me sign.

There were quite a few other things I wrote out to say, but I think that maybe I shouldn’t. They aren’t happy thoughts, and I know that people get bent. Since I’m a bit tired of being told how I should feel, or how I have to be, I’ll keep it to myself.

Have a great evening!

Long Time, No See

2011-08-16T08:37:00.001-05:00

It's been a very long time since I blogged. Life has taken some horrific turns for me. I've only been this poor one other time in my life, and depression is threatening to totally take over because of it. I cannot afford much of anything, including my basic bills. Explain that to three kids who would like a treat every so often. There are no jobs here, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The love and security that we had just two years ago is totally gone. We have nothing, and we continue to get nothing.

The girls started school at a regular school this year. It's bad. While the school is newish, the students in it are bussed from all over to diversify. The school has failed to meet goals for years, and you can tell. They have a zero retention rate. What does that mean? They do not hold any kids back, even if they should be. They pass everybody. While I keep hoping that it's because the kids are just that smart, it's not the case. The school is also so poor that the entire school qualifies for free breakfast/lunch. Oddly, I have a friend in Peoria who has the same program going on at her school. It's a good idea. I think it's great, but it's sad all at the same time.

They've also been coming home exhausted and upset. The crying starts almost from the time I pick them up, and it goes until they fall asleep. It's bad. The reasons are always something that happened at school. It always involves something with the teacher. I don't know how much of it is true, but I have to believe that at least the emotional part of it is. It really upsets me to see my girls so emotional. My hopes are that it was just an adjustment period for them. How long do I give before I step in and do something about it? I'm not even sure I can do anything. I hate this for them. They were enjoying homeschool so much.

I saw this on my facebook status this morning:

Daily Catholic Blurb

"The bible does not say that good people go to heaven, it says holy people go to heaven." - Fr. Larry Richards

Translation: Being a "good person" isn't enough.

That depressed me, to say the least. I'm am so not holy, nor do I ever think that I could attain such a status. Good, yes. If I try and watch myself, I can be a good person. In general, I'd say most people are good people. Holy, however, is just so out there. What IS holy, anyway? I know what I think of when you mention a holy person, but is my mental translation true? It bothers me to think that I'm not good enough for God, even though I try and do my best.

What do you think "holy" is?

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

2011-04-06T21:11:00.001-05:00

My girl turned 7 today. She was so excited to not be 6 anymore. It was pretty cute. We had cake, and she got presents. My tomboy wanted trucks, so she got a couple of small monster trucks to play with. She also wanted a cape. That involves sewing her one, but we got some fabric and velcro to make that happen. I'll take pictures when I get it done.

Oh heck, it just gets better. Not only did she turn 7 today, but she finally lost that first tooth! She has been in such a panic about the darn thing, that she wouldn't wiggle it. It was just hanging there, though. I told her that she couldn't go to bed like that. She'd end up swallowing the tooth. She had a fit about me taking it out, but she didn't even know when it was out. I'm not even sure how it was still in there. So, my girl has a birthday AND a tooth out. What a day for Miss Sophia.

Glenn didn't call her. He actually hasn't called since March 6th. That was also the last time he picked them up. He lives 20 minutes away. Pathetic. I had been wondering about what I had done to make this marriage not work. Now I know that I didn't do anything wrong. It's all him. He decided to walk out on his family. Couldn't handle being a father and a husband. Him not having anything to do with the girls, and for sure by not calling his daughter on her birthday, proved to me that it's really all him. I did everything right. He did absolutely nothing. It's pathetic, really. He'll be the lonely one in the end. I hope that he can live with his choices. All he's done is nothing. All the things he used to say about his ex that bothered him, he's doing now. I have no compassion for that. Sophia asked me when I was going to get her a new daddy. Hopefully that will happen with a quickness, because Glenn most certainly doesn't deserve the role.

Hey Everybody!!

2011-02-25T11:40:00.001-06:00

I am $500 from Star Consultant! Please go to my Scentsy site and place an order! Help me out with this one. I'd REALLY like to make this happen, so run to the site and place that order now!! Every little bit helps, so gogogo!!

Oh, and remember, most everything is 10% off right now. What better way to get Scentsy products into your house!!

Down To This

2011-02-16T11:34:00.000-06:00

Hello everybody. I know it's been a bit since my last post. Things have just gotten crazy.

As you know, I've been trying to sell Scentsy. It was doing okay, then, well, not so much. I'd really like for this to help me support my girls. For that I'm begging for your help. I need to sell $150 before the end of this month, or I'll be terminated from the company. I'm out of people I know locally, so I'm begging for your help. Please consider going to my site and looking around. Place an order if something grabs your attention. It really is an amazing product. They back it, too. Lifetime warranty. Can you beat that? Right now most of the stuff is 10% off, as we're transitioning from fall/winter to spring/summer. Please, I know it's pathetic, but I'm begging. Please at least consider it!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Another Day

2011-01-25T12:45:00.001-06:00

I'm still sick. I haven't been this sick since before Glenn and I got married. Okay, not counting being pregnant with Sophia. That was pretty bad. What I'm talking about is the lingering fever, chest funk, headache. I can't stop coughing. It's just bad all over. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the girls didn't also have it. It's just going in rounds. I'm almost 100% sure it has something to do with the carpet in the apartment. Just another thing to thank Glenn for.

You know, I can't say that I've ever been so tired. I used to feel somewhat like this when I worked at IPMR. It was that bone tired of having nothing to live for. Just running in circles, knowing that the next day was going to be as bad, if not worse, than the last. No, I'm not kidding. I left that job when I started spending more time ill than well. Okay, the daydreams about pulling the limbs off of certain coworkers wasn't a good thing, either. Anyway, I feel that way now. I know that my future holds serious poverty and struggle. To think otherwise is stupid, so telling me my life is what I choose to make of it is bullshit. I chose to be a wife, but look where that got me. What you aren't taking into consideration is the choices of others. They seriously impact the way your future will come to be.

Glenn misses the girls so much that he never calls them. He's called one time this month. The girls are at the point where they no longer ask about him. They cannot pick him out of a shot of more than one person. In fact, they think anybody in a uniform may or may not be him. The cry in the middle of the night is NOT for Glenn, it's for Megan. They miss her, and actually speak with her more than once a month. I know that Glenn likes the idea of a family, but he has never been able to actually be a part of said family. He didn't do it with the boys (proven by almost 5 years of pretty much ignoring them, then ripping them from one place to another, then just forcing them on his mom). He never spent any time with them unless I pushed it, and I figure the same will go for the girls. Sad for him, the girls will be better off without him. Nicely, I have backup on all of that - in writing.

Please don't start a bash on him. Pray for him. He's really got issues that he's choosing to ignore. He'll continue to make the same mistakes - running rather than work things through - and ruining the lives of his kids as he goes. He'll never find true happiness. Not ever. He'll just keep running and leaving those he "loves" behind. Treat it for the sad thing it is. That, and I just won't let the bashing posts go public. Since I don't really want to read them, it's a waste of your time. If you're saying something to yourself like "but you're doing it!" Okay, I'll give you that. I also know him and the situation first hand (well, sorta. I still don't have any reason other than I didn't clean under a couch he didn't move for me), but you came here to read this. You chose to look at what I'm saying. You continued to read. Don't bitch about that. I don't have a lot of choice but to read the replies. They pop up every time I come here. To see if it's something worth looking at, and there are some, I have to read it. You've forced my hand on that. Don't do that. I'm begging you.

Happy Birthday To You!

2011-01-24T12:52:00.000-06:00

Wow, Megan is 19 today. She keeps informing me that she's still a teen. Yeah, not so much. I remember that day very well. It can't possibly have been so long ago. Damn but I'm old.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MEEEEEEEGAN!!

Sick - And Tired

2011-01-22T18:35:00.000-06:00

This winter is kicking my ass. A good chunk of it is going from tile to nothing but carpet. That stuff is nasty, and now I have my proof. I haven't been this sick in years, and I'd really like for it to stop. Yeah, if wishes were horses...

Anyway, whatever this is, it's in my chest. I've had a fever for about a week now. My head is stuffed up, and my ears are clogged. Can't stop coughing. Maybe that's not so bad, since stuff is coming up. I just want to feel like I'm not going to die at any moment. It makes for getting anything done very hard. So let's see, school, being a mom, working, being sick, keeping house. I'm sure there's more in there. Hard to do. I need some help, and I need it now.

Loose

2011-01-13T12:30:00.000-06:00

Sophia has her first loose tooth. She's freaking out about it pretty hard. Don't get me wrong, I imagine it's got to be odd to all of a sudden have one of your teeth moving back and forth. Nothing I say to her, however, seems to help her to understand that this is what should be happening. I actually made it much worse when I told her that all of her teeth would eventually fall out. I'm really not sure that Sophia heard the part where I mentioned that adult teeth would take their place. Poor kid thinks she's going to have no teeth. I guess it's a good thing that the tooth isn't all that loose at this point. Maybe by the time it actually falls out, she'll understand the concept.

This winter has been really cold. It wouldn't be so bad if I could get warm at any point. Oh no, we can't have that. I don't remember it being this bitter at any point in the last 4 years. Coldest winter here, or at least that I can remember. The snow isn't making my day, either. I'm so ready for spring. It cannot get here fast enough, if you ask me. Then again, I'm not all about how rainy it gets. Or how humid and hot summer can be. Dang, you just can't make me happy. I'm so not living in the right part of the country. Any ideas as to where I could move that might not be as cold, wet, humid, or hot? Maybe I should just build a bio dome. Now there's a thought!

Who Cares

2011-01-10T12:34:00.003-06:00

It's my anniversary. I've been married for 8 years. I just wish that 8 years ago, I had said no. That I had married somebody that actually loved me, rather than waste my time in a lie. I feel like an idiot. Went back over my blog posts for the last several years. He had me fooled big time. To think that I could have been in an actual loving relationship instead of this. Boggles the mind.

It's cold and gross out. I hate living here. I hate being in this situation. I hate him.

Happy frickin' anniversary to me. What a joke.

Sophia is breaking out with some weird hive thing. These nasty red marks keep cropping up, then, after about 1/2 hour, they just vanish. They are on her face, neck, and wrists. I've been watching her, and she's not doing anything to bring them on. She was getting them even with nothing on, so it's not her clothing. Very strange. It isn't, however, the first time this has happened. Honestly, I think it's the cold, dry air. She says it not bugging her, so at least there's that. I hope that it works its way out of her system soon.

Note to self: don't add M&Ms to ANYTHING you feed the kids. They totally demand more of the M&Ms. Sheesh, thought I was being all nice.

I Hate Being Sick

2011-01-06T13:06:00.000-06:00

I'm freezing. Not just a little bit cold, but seriously freezing. My bones are cold. The only problem is that I'm also sweating like there's no tomorrow. I can get warm if I take a shower, but the girls go crazy on me, so that's a no can do for the moment. I just need to figure out how to get the rest I need, so I can get better. It would be nice if I just wouldn't get sick. Stress sucks.

Love This

2011-01-04T12:33:00.001-06:00

If you need a break from the real world, or just need a chuckle, check out Cake Wrecks . It's right up there with those photos from Wal-Mart on the train wreck scale. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do!

Oh, another to check out is Regretsy. Where DIY meets WTF! (that's their own slogan). I'm warning you, it's not a very family (or morals, for that matter, hehehe) friendly site. If you are easily offended, don't go there.

Pretty Good, Actually

2011-01-03T16:57:00.000-06:00

A few hours ago I started cooking some Italian sausage. The girls got all excited. I guess that they really like Italian sausage. Anyway, that started them in my face about what's for dinner. A bit later I started the quick soak for some black eyed peas. Love me some black eyed peas. Let me just state that, at this point, I still really wasn't sure what I was going to make. I was pretty much just pulling ingredients out and hoping for the best.

The final ingredient set Sophia off. She had a knock down, drag out temper tantrum. She doesn't like rice. I need to make something else. This is going to be awful. I really just wanted to kill her and be done with it. Eventually I told her that this was what was for dinner. She could eat it or go hungry. I wasn't going to make her something special.

So we ended with Spanish rice with black eyed peas and sausage. I mixed everything together and added a bit of cheese for the girls. Mine was minus cheese. Sophia inhaled her first bowl. She begged for a second. The second bowl took about 2 minutes longer for her to eat, but still pretty much an inhale. Next thing I know, she's heading back for a third bowl. That was an awful lot of noise and drama for somebody that ended up eating three bowls of the hated dinner. I'll have to remember to make this again.

Facebook Link

2011-01-02T15:41:00.000-06:00

If you'd like to be up to date on the happenings of Scentsy, and any special thins, join my Facebook page. Susan, Independent Scentsy Consultant

Just A Reminder

2011-01-01T23:56:00.000-06:00

Are you already thinking about February 14th? Do you have trouble coming up with what you'll give your sweetie? Well, let Scentsy help! Independent Scentsy Consultant Susan

The Warmer of the Month for January is Margot. It's 10% off for the month of January, only. Look how pretty it is! Order at Independent Scentsy Consultant Susan

Scentsy has also brought back some scents that they are no longer making. These scents will be available for one month only, then they will be gone forever. Stock up! Contact me for the scents you can get, or for any other information!

Happy Birthday

2011-01-01T02:36:00.000-06:00

Shout out to my big sister. Happy Birthday, Debbie! Hope it's a good one for ya!

Brought in the new year by sitting on my front step. I was watching the rain and listening to the gunfire. Yeah, love living in hillbilly hell. I thought Peoria had a lot of new year gunfire. Strange how people think that's the way to celebrate.

Goodbye, 2010

2010-12-31T20:04:00.000-06:00

This year started out with so much hope. I was pregnant, my family was whole. Within the first month of the year that all went to hell. I don't think that 2011 will be much better, as it continues the bullshit of the last year.

I hope that everybody enjoys their evening, and that all the good whatever follows you into the new year.

Brain Fried

2010-12-29T18:51:00.000-06:00

Yeah, that's me. The brain fried queen. I've been finishing up my final exams in my holistic courses. I have literally 4 more questions to go. Sounds good, no? Well, sorta. I've done all of the reading required, except this Andrew Weil book. It puts me to sleep. Plus I have 2 herbal remedies, 3 thesis papers, 15 case studies, 3 book reports, and 30 forum posts. The book reports will take me the longest, I think. Wish me luck!

Wanna add some more brain fry? Still doing the medical transcription course. It's really, really slow as I have to wait until the girls are asleep to do it. They've not been nice about going to bed on time, either. They've been known to yell and scream until well after 10pm. On top of that, I've got to try and work a little, so there isn't a lot of time for it. Add Sophia and Aidan's school work to the mix, and I'm a tired mom.

Breakfast

2010-12-28T10:46:00.000-06:00

Wow, who thought breakfast would be such a hit. The kids kept going on about what they wanted for breakfast. Sadly, it consisted of things like potato chips and whatnot. While I'm not anti chip, you aren't gonna have it for breakfast. So I figured out what we would have.

The cabinet yielded Malt-O-Meal. Into the pot goes the water. Boiling away, I added the cereal. After turning the heat down, I added some butter and sugar, and let it finish cooking. The girls were not thrilled about the cereal. At least not until I brought out the bottle of chocolate syrup. A dribble of dark chocolate and they were inhaling everything. They even asked for more! Malt-O-Meal was a hit! So now I can add that to the oatmeal. Mix it up a little.

I still haven't brought the microwave in from the van. Part of that is I can't get it out of the van. The other part is that I can't carry it. It's not so much heavy as it is really bulky. That means that I have to actually cook the food. Real food, imagine that. I figure that if I have to make cuts to afford food, it may as well be real and tasty. At least I hope it's tasty.

Dinner Tonight Will Be...

2010-12-27T17:39:00.000-06:00

Scrambled eggs with hashbrowns and cheese. Yeah, it's simple, but the girls really like it. Tonight I decided to try one of the Depression Era recipes that actually makes the ingredients go further. Here's how it went.

3 hashbrown patties. I already had these, so I went ahead and heated up three. I then shredded them apart and set them aside.

9 eggs. There are 4 of us, so it's basically 2 eggs each. Since they are medium, and not large, I added an extra egg. I beat the crap out of these, adding water (not milk) and salt and pepper. Here's the extra. I added in some corn meal. Not a lot, just enough to add some bulk. I think I really only put in about 3 or 4 tablespoons.

I put the eggs in my skillet and was wondering just how this was going to feed my kids. By the time I finished cooking the eggs, they had totally filled the pan. The cornmeal did something, that's for sure! I then put the hashbrowns into the eggs, and heated everything to the same temperature.

When everything was done, I plated the eggs and potatoes. The girls are huge cheese fans, so I sprinkled with cheddar, and waited to see if they'd eat it. Not only did they eat it, they scarfed it down. It tasted like scrambled eggs. I couldn't taste the corn meal at all, but I know that the bulk was not eggs. This would be really good with a little bit of sausage in it. I believe the entire thing cost less than $1.50 to make. Not per serving, but the entire thing.

The kids and I are fed, and it was even pretty healthy! What will be for dinner tomorrow?

Dear Mom

2010-12-26T19:51:00.001-06:00

I wanted to say that I'm sorry. You were right about Glenn. He really is a pathetic loser. He never cared, or had any love for me. I guess he just didn't want to be alone, and I bought it. The whole story.

The one thing that he did do right was the Army. He had a goal, and was a good provider. Now he's quitting that. No plans but to be a bump on his mother's couch. Even she says that she expects that is what will end up happening.

I supported him in everything that he did. He wanted to go back to Carson, as he has hated every minute he's spent as a Pathfinder. I offered to gather any information he needed to help make that happen. He never made the calls that he needed to make. Nothing ever came of it. He was going to do drill. I offered to help do whatever I could, but he never put together anything to make that happen. He was going to do OCS. Again, I offered to help with whatever I could. He got a girlfriend instead, and never did anything with it. He quit school. The man quits everything that he starts. The stupid part is that he blames me for it. It seems I'm the reason that he's pathetically lazy, and puts everything off. Yeah, okay.

Now he's working on hurting my children. It's the 26th of December. He's only called the girls twice this month. I know for a fact he could call more than he does. He even said that they were doing less out there, leaving him more free time. Told me to look for him to call more often. That was a month ago. He actually calls less.

Sarah doesn't seem to care at all. She actually doesn't know him, so it's no big loss to her. Aidan is similar in thinking. She gets upset, but has no desire to see or speak to Glenn. She always asks for Megan. Sophia, on the other hand, misses him. Sort of. I think she misses the idea of him. She's mad because there is snow on the ground, and he promised he'd be back when that happened. She's mad because he isn't coming here, and he told her he would be coming home. One day she'll know that he spent the entire year of 2009 avoiding her and her sisters. Her half brothers, too. They were too loud, made too much of a mess. They were actual work, and he just wanted to do whatever he wanted to do, with no concept of the fact that he's a father, and those days are over.

Mom, I think his biggest issue is that he's embarrassed. That he's taken this so damn far, and doesn't know how to go back. He got caught doing the thing he always said he'd never do. The thing he said he hated his dad for doing. I honestly don't think he can get past that, which is really a shame. Glenn has serious issues, and he has made it so that his mom picks up all of his pieces, and he never has to face anything. I guess he'll never actually grow up.

He hasn't managed to tell me the truth at all this year. Glenn has become a liar in everything he says. I don't trust him even a little bit, because I know that most likely he's not telling the truth. Sad for him, good for me, is that he's really bad at it. Very easy to catch him. He's also never told me what brought this all on. He's only said that I should know. Were things perfect? No. They were not, however, divorce worthy. Especially since we both swore we'd never do this. It was reinforced after the girls were born. I think the biggest disappointment and hurt is that he said he never loved me. I believed him when he said he did, and that started everything.

I'm sorry that I believed all of his lies. I spent 8 years in poverty. Being mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused by him. I never would have agreed to move all over, to trust him so fully, or to share his bed, had I known it was all just a lie. I even went along with it when he got nasty towards me, and sexually aggressive to the point of being weird. I'd have never, ever have let that happen. Never. I should have clued in when, after the miscarriage, he told me to get over it. How do you just get over that?

So Mom, I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. That I totally believed that I was loved and being taken care of. Now I know that I was just being used.

Suzy

Just Curious

2010-12-26T01:27:00.000-06:00

Would you give to something like this? I'm considering a fundraiser to raise money for Scentsy Buddies. I'd like to donate the Buddy, and use all profits to buy however many more. I'd give to either Soldiers or to police/EMT groups to give to children. What do you think?

So Let Down This Year

2010-12-25T16:13:00.004-06:00

The holiday let me down in a big way this year. I don't think that Christmas, or any holiday for that matter, will ever be the same. Anyway, hope yours was good.

----------------------------------------------------

Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/

Merry Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T18:07:00.002-06:00

Those are flamingos. The entire yard was covered in them, and I had a hell of a time catching a picture before I had to go around the corner. I was also laughing pretty hard, so that didn't help. Wish the picture was better, because it really was pretty funny to see.

It started snowing at about 3pm. Not hard or anything. Actually, when we left here, it was more sleet like, but then it turned to flakes. Oh joy of joys. Kroger was packed, but I got most of what I needed. Hopefully I can keep the kids from wasting everything, and get a few real meals out of it.

This Christmas is like the one on Ravine. Very poor, very sad. The only difference is that at least on Ravine, I had the belief that I was loved. That image has been shattered forever. Now we're just poor and afraid. I hope that this makes him happy. He met his goal.

Have a Merry Christmas. May your loved ones stay safe, and come back to you soon.

This Is A Bonus

2010-12-22T10:52:00.001-06:00

I went from a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 4 other rooms townhouse that nobody would help me keep clean. It was damn near impossible. If nobody messed up anything, it would take at least 2 full days to clean the damn place. I now have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 2 other room apartment. Takes me literally 30 minutes to clean the whole thing - including mopping and washing a couple of pans by hand. I'm a happy mommy. I assume that, when I scrub out the tub, it's going to add a few extra minutes, but then again, maybe not. So far I just wipe it down after my shower. Seems to be working. Of course, it doesn't stay clean. Kids just aren't going to allow that. It took me about 1 1/2 minutes to clean their room, which was a shock in and of itself.

Pretty

2010-12-22T01:19:00.000-06:00

This is my tree. It's not large, but I like it.

Yes, it looks like a strange angle. It actually is. Tradition states that you lie under the tree and dream and enjoy. So I was under the tree when I took this. That's just the top part of the tree, it's really not that small. I think it's 4 feet. The girls like it, so that's what matters.

Moisture

2010-12-20T19:36:00.001-06:00

My girls seem to be lacking in it. They drink water. Lots and lots of water. They are still tormented by dry skin. They always have been, but it had gotten better. I noticed that Sophia had some really scaly and rough spots. That, of course, prompted a look at the other two.

I bought a nice big bottle of baby lotion, to match their body wash, and away we go. Sarah is a giant dry scale. To be fair, it comes and goes, so it's not always easy to tell. Aidan is getting away with very little dry, but we won't leave her out. They sure did enjoy having the lotion put on, though. Must be having flashbacks to all of the baby massage they had. All three of them kept begging for more. They are now moist, and brushing their teeth.

Hopefully I can get the scale bit to go away. Generally it only takes a few days, but I imagine it itches. I just feel bad for not catching it sooner. They should have great skin going into their teen years, though! It's also kinda nice to have a little time with each girl. They really liked having the lotion put on.

I picked up the gifts that Glenn sent to the girls. Yikes! The lady at Wal-mart was going crazy trying to consolidate the boxes, because there was no way that I was getting all of that in the van. We also didn't want the girls to see what was in the boxes, so that was a trick and a half. It is all here, though. Now to wrap the stuff. There was a time when I really liked to wrap gifts. I can't stand it, now. It hurts my back. At least they aren't picky about how well it's done.

So, what did you do today?

My Mind Is Running

2010-12-18T10:01:00.000-06:00

I've done some thinking on this, and I've decided that I don't want to keep my blog private. I've not said anything in that I feel needs to be "hidden" from anybody. I'm entitled to my feelings, and I'm also entitled to put them here. Therefore, I'm going to put my blog back out in the public domain.

I was really hoping that I wasn't going to get the flu, or whatever it was, that the girls had. They spent 4 days being sick, and I figured that after that time, I'd escaped it. Nope. Woke up on Thursday at about 6:30 feeling just awful. I spent a good deal of time running to the bathroom. Megan, thankfully, decided to stay here and help me out. That meant that, after the one thing I HAD to get done on Thursday, I could sleep. Sleep I did, too. Almost 20 hours. Woke up feel at about 90%, and I think I'm good to go today. I hate being sick, though I hate it when the girls are sick, even more.

I'm not sure why I've been in any kind of deep thought. Especially not at 4 in the morning. Add to the fact that I was asleep when said deep thought began, and it's just weird. Yes, at 4 this morning I had what I can only guess was a waking dream. I remember it vividly. All the way down to the physical feelings. For some strange reason, I relived the entire miscarriage incident this morning. From the feeling that something was very wrong, to the total cold indifference of the nurses and doctor. I felt every emotion and actual physical ache and pain that went with it. I woke up (or became aware of the entire thing) in the wee hours just crying my heart out. Why now? It's been a long time, and there's nothing to be done about it. Yes, I wanted that baby very much. I would give almost anything to be holding that child right now, not being sad at the loss. I have a hole in my heart that time isn't really helping, though I thought differently. Does it get any better? Does it always just sneak up on you like that? Anyway, I've felt empty and sad all morning.

Wow but it's been cold lately! Not as cold as Illinois or Colorado, but still. It shouldn't be 10 degrees in Kentucky. I guess I'm not far enough South. Tania keeps telling me that Texas is nice this time of year, and Danielle says Florida. Of course I also get people like Rob that tell me that he hears that Hell is warm. Sadly, isn't Hell in Montana? I'm thinking not all that warm right now. Do I mind a bit of snow? Actually, I don't. I just wish that it was on my terms. Not on the road, not on my car. Certainly don't bring the bone chilling cold. It's never a good thing when you cannot get warm. Just saying.

We were going to hit up the new church last Sunday. That didn't work, as Sarah was tossing her cookies everywhere. With luck we should be able to go tomorrow. I really like the looks of this church. First, it's beautiful. Second, they just seem so...accepting. I'm on an email list, and a regular mailing list already! Normally I'm not all about the mailing lists, but I just thought that was, well, neat. I'm sure eventually it'll get to me, but until then, I'm good with it.

Yuck

2010-12-14T20:08:00.000-06:00

The girls have been throwing up all week. I hate that. There's nothing more frustrating than having one child sick, but three? At least the chucking has stopped for now. Hopefully they are done with it, and on their way to feeling better. Though there is something to be said for children that are not running around and getting into stuff. They all have been either on the couch, or in bed. Weird.

I've got to pick up the last bit of my stuff from the house, then I'm done with the place. I wish that I never had to deal with him or his family again. It's bad enough that his dad and stepmother think that I'm going to let them come by this week. Um, not even. Sorry, but they aren't at all moral, and it's not like they ever liked me. Now they don't have to pretend, either.

Still Moving

2010-12-08T13:22:00.000-06:00

I'm still in the process of getting my stuff to the new place. It really, seriously sucks. I hate moving anyway. This one signals the end, though. I don't get it at all. The whole thing is bogus.

With luck I'll have internet on Friday. Of course, Joyce and company are coming down on Thursday to move Glenn's things. I hope that she doesn't think I'm spending the weekend with her, because I'm not. In fact, Friday will be spent waiting for the cable guy. Fun times. I guess she goes back on Sunday. I just don't see her getting this done on time. Not really my problem, though.

And This

2010-12-04T09:55:00.000-06:00

I spoke to Angie's dad this morning. He said that as far as he knows, his daughter actually is no longer with Glenn, and has no intention of being so again. She's planning on reenlisting, and being transferred closer to her family. He said that she's gone from a defensive, lying, and sneaky person, to her old self again. I do not believe Glenn, but I will believe this man. Hopefully he is right, because the two of them together is nothing but a massive trainwreck.

And It Just Gets Better

2010-12-04T08:17:00.000-06:00

I sent this to his command:

Honestly, I thought that you said they were separated. I'd like to
thank all of you for the worst year of my life. Nice to know that the
Army cares so much that they just let this go on. And don't tell me
that they aren't in one of their rooms. It's pretty obvious. I got
this from his blog. While the blog itself is private, this picture was
blazing right out there.

The response was:

I have no access to these blogs. We do have a no contact order on them
so if you can relate this picture to some kind of date I might be able
to take action on it.

To which I replied back:

No, I cannot give you a date on this picture. He denies it even exists. His mother said that they are still planning their wedding, and he said that he does talk to Sgt Kirwan - though he says it's for work. Of course, that's what he's been telling me for the last almost year. If I hadn't found the stuff I had, I'd still not know about these two. He's coming back soon, and will be moving in with her. That's their plan. They plan on getting married as soon as our divorce is final. He said that he was a walking target because I can't just let him do whatever the hell he wants. That you all read my blog, and he was getting in trouble over it. It would seem that the only person that was reading it was her, though, as I sent an invite to all of you when I made it private, and none of you were interested. I thought that was actually the case, though. It bothers me that they are allowed to continue on, and I'm sure that I'll be reading about their marriage not long after they get back. I know that none of you gives a crap, and I get that. This was 8 years of my life and 3 children (would have been 4 had we not had a miscarriage in January). I cannot believe that we had so many problems before he left that this happened. He has PTSD. Was diagnosed with it when he came back from his last deployment, yet nobody seems to care because he is doing his job. He spent his middle daughter's birthday online with his girlfriend. Couldn't be bothered to call his child. Told me that the system was down. Yeah, I talked to Sgt Kirwan's dad, and he said otherwise. I believe him as she was on R&R at the time. Yet I'm the crazy bitch. I give up.

To which I woke up to this:

I don't know what your problem is. I don't even care anymore. You are
affecting my company's overall mission effectiveness with your selfish,
miserable, pathetic actions. You are affecting other troop's abilities
to accomplish their missions, because you can't let go of anything.

Nothing has been going on here for months, yet you insist on causing
drama, creating problems, rather than allow a military unit to finish
it's deployment unmolested. You are worse than Janus, speaking out of
both sides. You have descending to being a nasty, miserable person,
intent on dragging those about you down to your level or below.

I have work to do, to facilitate various things happening here, and yet
you have nothing better to do than to interrupt that, force me to focus
on this blatant crap, and waste my time dealing with all the ripples you
so maliciously make.

What blows my mind further is that I reached out to help you, in
discussing various things about the new apartment, and you turn and do
this, not only smacking my hand away, but pushing away any desire I may
have had at some point or another to see you recover.

You may want me to lose rank, or go to jail, or whatever. What are the
second and third orders of effects there? You will accomplish nothing
but setting yourself up for failure by these attacks. They need to
stop. They should never have started.

Which I responded as:

Tell me the truth just for once and maybe I'll give a fuck what you think.

And this is what I sent to his command (Jan Taylor is CC in his email to me):

This is the kind of treatment I've been receiving since about April. It really escalated at the end of July, when he lied and manipulated one of my friends in an effort to isolate me. Well, it only sorta worked. Every step forward I've made has been at the expense of him getting totally pissed, and then trying to cut me down.

I don't know who Jan Taylor is, but I'm sure that the story they are getting is only a quarter of the truth. I also don't know how this was presented to him, but he's going to rant and rave and call me a loon until he's got you all convinced it is true.
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I know it's wrong, but I keep hoping that a sniper will get him, and this will all be a bad dream. I could them mourn my dead husband rather than a cheating ass.

Good Deal

2010-12-02T19:28:00.002-06:00

I just signed us up for Operation Homefronts free Christmas meal giveaway. On the 16th I go and pick up a gift certificate for a free meal for my family. Who knows, maybe there will be other things. Next week I'll speak to the priest at my new church, and maybe Saint Vincent DePaul (which is actually a building ON the church site) can help with some other things until I can get on my feet. While I hate asking for the charity, that's what it's there for. It's not like I can't give time to them. I'll pay it back somehow, I always do.

I still feel just awful. I cannot get warm, nor can I really do a lot at any given time. I just get dizzy, then really tired. No fever, but still, I'm sick. Hopefully it'll get better quickly. Most likely that will happen after I move, I'm sure.

Oh, I went to the Post Office today. The lock on my mailbox at the new place needs to be replaced. The guy looked at me, said "Merry Christmas, I'm not gonna charge you." That's $15 I don't have to pay out! Woo hoo. The guy I spoke to before, the one that was so rude, was there. His jaw hit the flipping floor! I guess waiting has it's high points. My pay it forward account is starting to get huge!

Found the Peddler's Mall today. I've been there a bunch of times, but I didn't know what this one part was. It's a store of booths! Might have to go in and see what the damage for a booth is. I have rosaries and such. It would rock to be able to sell something, though Kentucky is pretty anal retentive when it comes to business licenses and such.

Nice

2010-12-01T19:16:00.000-06:00

So I joined a new church. It looks really nice. The priest there called today to talk a little, and set up a time when we could get together. The get together time ended up being open ended. I'm supposed to call when I get moved. There is a welcome packet coming to me, though. I get good vibes from here, so maybe it'll all work out. Check it out.

I'm freezing. It's 75 in my room. I had all the kids piled in bed with me. A sweatshirt and a fleece robe, fuzzy socks, flannel pants. A flannel sheet, a thick comforter and a flannel quilt. Freezing. I hate that I cannot get warm. No, I don't have a fever. I'm just a freak of nature with a low core temp. Or at least it's been really bad since mid summer. I imagine stress has a lot to do with it.

Just One Truck

2010-11-29T13:24:00.000-06:00

That's all I need. Well, and a body to help me actually move stuff. I need to get this move done, and it keeps being put off by my "help". They've been saying they'll help for the last 3 weeks, and yet they always find a way to delay said help. I called around, but cannot afford a moving truck. I don't think it would take long to get my stuff over there, I just need to actually get it done. ARG!! I hate that nobody is trustworthy. Everybody freaking lies to me. Tired of it.

Lightbulbs

2010-11-27T14:52:00.000-06:00

Wow, I have bad luck with lightbulbs. Yet another bulb blew in the house. The living room is really, really dark. If it wasn't a lamp that I was taking with, I'd say screw it. Since I'm taking it with, I'll put a new bulb in it, and hope for the best.

The other thing that died was the disposal. I can tell that it would easily be fixed if I could find the freaking reset button, but I'm not crawling under the sink to find it. I'll look again later, but the damn thing isn't even a year old, and I know I'm not that hard on it. Much like the fact that, even though somebody comes out and "fixes" the dishwasher about once a month, I still have to run dishes 3 and 4 times just to get them somewhat clean. Hopefully my new apartment will have a better dishwasher. It is smaller, which I didn't think was possible, but it could still work better, no?

So, Dennis bitched hard enough about how I'm making him look bad, that I've cut him off from everything. That also means I've cut off his family. I'm not heart broken even a little. His mom started trying to tell me just what I can and cannot ask for in the divorce, and how I cannot leave the boys with nothing, so I must not go for a lot of child support. Um, shut up. I can and will go for whatever the court wants to give me, and in Kentucky, that's up to 60%, which my lawyer is going for. Yes, you saw that right, not 23% or whatever she thinks it should be. They also don't care that Glenn has custody of the boys. Again, in Kentucky, the only thing that counts is a legal child support order. As he doesn't pay support on the boys, mandated through the court, they don't count.

I'm going by on Monday to speak with my Civil Rights lawyer. The boys won't be included in that, after all. They aren't listed in any of the police paperwork, so they weren't there as far as the court figures. That should piss their father off quite a bit. Now the girls, they should get a pretty penny from this. Me too, actually. The lawyer was pretty excited about taking it, and he sounded pretty ruthless. Now to let him know that I'm getting the runaround in trying to get the legal records I'm entitled to have. They don't want to give them to me. We shall see.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T13:17:00.000-06:00

I hope y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Keep it safe. I'm not feeling thankful for anything at all. Please don't tell me to be thankful for my health or my kids or whatever. Life sucks, and right now, there is NOTHING I'm thankful for.

It's raining yet again. I'm going to have to buckle down tomorrow and get moving my crap out. I'm just out of time here, and since he knows about the apartment now, I don't have any wiggle room for it. I wanted to take the washer and dryer and the freezer, but I cannot lift or move any of them. I'm trying to figure stuff out, but if it won't fit in my van, it can't go. Keep in mind that I have to travel with the 3 girls in the van, too. Limited space, limited ability on my part.

I Just Realized

2010-11-24T21:55:00.000-06:00

I don't have to monitor the comments anymore! Woo hoo!!

Finding out I was moving pissed him off, even though he wanted me out months ago. Wonder what having my blog as private will do to his sanity. Wonder if I really care. Um, no.

Did I mention that my girls made me turkeys today? They asked for some red paper. Then they vanished for a few, and came back with the trace your hand turkeys! It was so damn cute. They were pretty excited about giving them to me. Of course I couldn't tell you what they did with them right now, but you'll have that!

Wow, Really?

2010-11-24T21:17:00.000-06:00

Would you call this a threat?

Look, you need to stop the crap on your blog. For one it's public, and you are bordering on libel. For two, you're pissing a lot of people off. There is no Jodie. Deal with it. This process, me sticking to getting the divorce, it's all me. My view of you, it's all from me. You are looking for other people to blame for your lot in life, well, look no further than you and i. If you want to attack me, I don't care. But don't think that there is anything else going on, cause there isn't. I'm not over here getting laid, I am just trying to keep my head down and get through this deployment. You keep painting a target on me with your posts.

You get almost 3 grand a month, 1500 in cash, 1500 in stuff paid for you. how you spend it determines what you have, and when i see 100-150 a month spent of fast food, well, how far should my sympathy go for you. I hate what this is doing to the girls, and I will always reach my hand out to them.

You chose to contest the divorce rather than work with me on terms, so expect a fully contested divorce. Especially with this crap, I don't need to get chewed out for what you do on your own.

(end his email)

_______________________________________________________________________________

I do NOT get $3000 a month. I wish. He's counting the van payment and the BAH that has always gone straight to housing. So I'm not able to just spend it however I want. The total of take out for the month was $54.60, NOT $100 to $150. And that was for 3 visits to get food, over the course of a month. Nice of him to make up more numbers, though.

11/1/2010 - Taco Bell - $21.83

11/10/2010 - McDonald's - 16.28

11/12/2010 - Burger King - 16.49

____________________________

total fast food for November - 54.60 (that's almost $50 to $100 LESS than what he's claiming.)

I do know that all this started after he figured out I'm actually moving out, and have a place - which he didn't pay for, by the way. My DAD did. Much like the Pathfinders haven't done anything for us, but the Rakkasans have.

Yes, I choose to contest the divorce. Your terms suck, and I don't believe in divorce. You won't work on anything with me - anything. I never said I wasn't working on this, but I'm not doing it with YOU. I'm doing it with the lawyers and the judge. That's the way you wanted it. Just because you have a deadline to meet of getting married ASAP when you get back so that you have a place to live, not my problem. I understand being embarrassed by your actions, Dennis. You got busted, and big time. Over and over. You are wrong, and you got called out on it. I have proof, and that's what is bugging you so much.

Anyway, that's the newest thing. He's promised to call the girls pretty much every day, and hasn't managed to do it yet. Though we IM'd last night for almost 3 hours, and it was about 2 hours of email back and forth this morning. He couldn't be bothered to talk to the girls. And yes, he could use IM to talk with them. We did it that way all summer. No excuse.

He's really angry because I won't do what he wants. Well, no, I won't. Because I made him look bad. No, I did not. You did that all by yourself. Because He just wants to be done. Sorry, doesn't work like that. I'm sick and tired of being blamed for either the actions of others (your first marriage is showing up here a lot), or his actions. You keep saying your feelings and whatnot are all your own, well own your stupid behavior.

Yay!

2010-11-24T15:12:00.002-06:00

It stopped raining! It is beautiful outside. I mean beautiful. The sun is out. It's warm. If the grass weren't wet, it would be even better. (Really? We're under a flood watch? Wow!)

Sarah found a dress with a Christmas print on it. She's all about this dress. It's pretty darn cute, let me tell you. What is it about a little girl in a dress that brings out the awe factor? I'm thinking about making Aidan and Sarah both a few more. Sophia, of course, refuses to wear one. She wants pants - preferably jeans. To each his own.

Did I mention that I made the kids homemade pizza? Yup. It was a huge hit! There wasn't a whole lot on it, but they attacked it like there's no tomorrow. So simple, too.

Remeber, Black Friday is just two days away! Contact me for great deals on Scentsy. They make perfect gifts for all of your friends and family, as well as a wonderful treat for yourself! My Scentsy site. `

Oh For God Sake

2010-11-24T14:50:00.000-06:00

So now Dennis says I'm making him a walking target by telling the truth. Well, he says I'm making things up, except that, well, I'm not. I have proof to back every statement I've made on here. He says that he's getting into trouble for what I write on my blog. I can only guess that he means that his command is actually being bothered to read my blog. He wants me to stop because he looks bad. They are YOUR actions, Dennis. YOU did these things. Deal with it if it makes you feel bad. If anybody from his command actually IS reading my blog, HI! Let me know if you'd like to continue to read it if and when I put it so Dennis and family can't! That goes for any of my followers. I got legal advice on the blog, and after eyes were done rolling, was informed that he's blowing a lot of smoke. So basically he's just making it so he won't get information on the kids, or see pictures of them. Sad for him.

Comment if you would like to be added to the readers if I got "silent". LOL

Odd

2010-11-21T15:47:00.001-06:00

You really do stop being hungry after a few days. I always wondered about that, but hoped I'd never know the feeling. Yes, that means that, in order to make sure my kids eat, I do not. No money for it. Thanks, Dennis. You've managed to make my worst nightmares come true. You've already told me that it's worth it to you, so I know you don't care. You could at least care about the girls, though I know that Jodie has you convinced that I'm just a money grubbing bitch. Wait, she'll see how you are with money. Funny thing is, I hear she's exactly the same way. Nice. Making that weight goal, though.

Going through the stuff and getting rid of a lot of junk I don't need. Man but we collected a lot of crap. How in the world does that happen? You'd think that it would be obvious that there's just a lot of stuff. Nope. Even now, while looking at it, it kinda sucks to see just how much is there. What I don't get is all the broken stuff. Did we think it would have a use? Magically become unbroken? I don't know, either, but there it is. Goodbye, broken stuff!

Jill and I used to hit up the toy store every year and buy a bunch of toys for Toys for Tots. We really loved doing it, and it was so much fun to shop for things we thought kids would like. This year it looks like I'll be dealing with them again, only on the receiving end. That is, if we're lucky. I must say that we are in the worst economic situation I've ever been in. I was never this down and out when I was a single mother. Now I'm just frickin' screwed - by my HUSBAND of all people. He knows this is a fear of mine, and I'm sure he's just laughing his ass off at me. If that makes me pathetic, so be it. All I know is that he isn't even man enough to take care of his own children.

Okay

2010-11-20T12:45:00.001-06:00

Let's see, $600 a month comes out to about $150 a week for food, gas, and incidentals for 4 people. Christmas is next month. Guess what small children won't be having one? Can you squeeze Christmas out of that amount? I hope that Dennis and Jodie are really proud of themselves. Nothing like making little kids lives miserable because you want to get laid in a war zone. Oh, I'm sorry, this started several months before they left. That means that he really was using me for free nanny services. What a total asshole. I hope that it all comes right back around to them. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

The weather is great. I hope that it holds. I've got a lot of stuff to get done, and I hate driving around in the cold and wet. I wish life would just calm down!

Picture!

2010-11-18T00:02:00.000-06:00

I really wasn't pissed in the picture. I thought I was smiling when I took the picture! Sorry it's blurry, but it's a camera phone, and it takes bad photos. I've lost 60 pounds this year. Can you tell?

Gah!

2010-11-16T12:42:00.001-06:00

It's raining. Not just a little, but really hard. The girls, of course, want to play in it. Did I mention that it's also really cold? Yeah, no. The cat knocked my glasses off the night stand, causing them to hit something that put a giant scratch down one of the lenses. I can't see through my contacts, so this pair of crappy glasses was all I had. It's giving me a headache. Stupid cat. The toilet overflowed because Aidan thought it a good idea to use half a box of baby wipes rather than toilet paper. The place is full of flies again. I hate flies.

On the up side, all my dishes are clean, and I'm most of the way caught up with laundry. I got the renewal for the van, though I don't think I'll be able to get new plates as Dennis still hasn't sent a copy of his LES. I'll figure something out. Somebody tell me what the hell a wheel tax is, and why I have to pay it! Tennessee needs to relax on the taxes.

The girls no longer ask about Dennis. He's just somebody that used to be in their lives, I guess. They get a little excited when he calls, but that enthusiasm doesn't last long, and they don't talk about him after he hangs up. That's really quite sad. I hope that this is all worth it to him. Of course I expect he'll do to them what he did to the boys, which is ignore them and pretend they don't even exist, unless his family asks about them.

I felt a little bad for about 2 seconds. I heard on the news that there was some serious fighting going on about where Dennis is over the weekend. I was totally worried about the guys in the unit, people I don't even know. When I finally did think about where he is, well, it certainly would tie things up nicely and give me closure. Do I feel that way today? Do I actually have thoughts of him not coming back? Yes, I do. Dennis took the chicken shit way out of a marriage. Not because there was anything really wrong with our marriage, but because he decided that working on a relationship was "too hard, and not worth it." It's easier to throw it away and start over, hoping for a different outcome. I really can't wait until Dennis and Jodie have all 5 kids there at the same time. Bonus will be if she is pregnant on top of it. He won't help her. Hell, he most likely won't even be around the house while all the kids are there. He can't handle them, and I promise you that they don't "just need love." Should be a good time.

Oh well, back to laundry. I'm trying to figure out what I want for dinner. Any suggestions? Maybe some chili!

"I'm Movin' On" - Rascal Flatts Official Music Video

2010-11-16T11:48:00.000-06:00

by Rascal Flatts

"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I'm at peace with myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they're always the same

They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it

They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't

Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't

I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on

Two Week Special!

2010-11-14T03:49:00.002-06:00

HURRY HURRY HURRY! ONE DAY ONLY - SALE!!!

Are you sick of hearing about Scentsy yet? Gosh, I hope not! Especially since I have a special for you. In celebration of my first 2 weeks, I'm going to make you an offer I hope you can't refuse!

2'Fer Special!

2 full sized warmers of your choice (excluding Patriot collection, Campus Collection, and Love, Life, Hope)
2 plug-in warmers of your choice
2 Scentsy buddies with scent paks of your choice
6 scent bars of your choice
2 foams of your choice (not all scents available for the foams)
2 replacement bulbs for your warmer.

This is at least 6 Christmas gifts taken care of! That's around $25 a gift. A $184 value for $150 + tax!

OR

The Big Bundle

This consists of:

3 Full size warmers of your choice (excluding Patriot collection, Campus Collection, and Love, Life, Hope)
4 Plug-in warmers (of your choice)
9 Scent bars (of your choice)

This can give you 7 gifts to give for the holidays! A $195 value for only $150 + tax!

To get this deal, you need to contact me HERE at my Scentsy site before placing an order. This is not offered through the site, so if you don't contact me, I cannot give you the deal. Put 2'Fer Special, or Big Bundle Special, in the body of your message! This is only running for one day - Sunday, November 14th. Hurry!!

**Again, contact me through my Scentsy site if you'd like the deal, but wait for an answer. I cannot give you the deal if you just go ahead and order without getting a response from me!**

Friday!

2010-11-12T15:42:00.000-06:00

What a freaking beautiful day! It's warm, but not hot. Sun is shining, no clouds. Just a beautiful fall day. The girls alternate between going outside, and grabbing something to drink or eat while watching cartoons. I love when they can get out.

Sales are looking to get better. Just need to wait for payday on some of these orders, but hell, it's all good. I love what I do!

Again with the spaghetti! The girls could eat the stuff every day if I let them. I'm about tired of it, but it's cheap, and they like it. We've been on poor food, so a little meat is a good thing. It really is all good, though.

I think I'm just about over whatever bug I've picked up. My sinuses are still draining into my stomach, which gives me that queasy feeling. My nose is a bit stuffed, but not so bad that I can't breathe. Also have the hot/cold thing every so often. It's all getting better, so I hope to be up to par soon. The bonus is that I still have my voice! That doesn't happen often when I get this, so I'm happy.

3 Days

2010-11-11T19:26:00.001-06:00

I have 3 days to meet my first official Scentsy goal. Please go to My Scentsy Site and place an order. With the holidays just around the corner, you can knock out some gifts so quickly. The products really are amazing!

UPDATE: I just booked my first fundraiser! Scentsy is an amazing way to raise money for your group/cause. If you're interested in booking a Scentsy fundraiser, please contact me here. I can give you the low down on the whole thing!

Rinse, Repeat

2010-11-11T12:23:00.001-06:00

I've posted this up at least once before, but it's fitting to how life is right now.

Oh, and thank you, Tim, for reminding me that it's okay to be angry, it's okay to do things for myself, most of all, though, thank you for reminding me that it's okay to move forward. Thank you for being an amazing friend when I needed one the most!

Hehehe

2010-11-10T18:20:00.003-06:00

This kinda speaks volumes, no? It goes along with Bowling for Soup's "Today is gonna be a great day" chorus:

This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better,
So make every minute count jump up, jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!

Nice

2010-11-10T16:34:00.000-06:00

It's been really nice out the last few days. The girls have finally been able to play outside. Aidan and Sophia even made friends with another little girl named Aidan! Spelled the same way, and everything. I just wish that I didn't feel like I was going to toss my cookies every day. My sinuses are draining, hence the upset tummy. Ick.

Okay, I'm going to push the Scentsy. GO HERE NOW! You know you want beautiful warmers. They gently warm the wax with a low watt light bulb. NO flames. NO fire! So much safer than candles. With over 80 different "flavors" to choose from, you can't go wrong. Again, RUN, don't walk. You so will not regret it. Christmas is going to be here in less than 50 days. To make sure you get your stuff in time for Christmas, you need to get those orders in sooner, not later! Now, please go over here and look around a bit.

Ramble On

2010-11-07T10:22:00.000-06:00

The time change. I hate it and love it. Getting that hour back is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but why do we need to do it at all? Doesn't it seem like an outdated mode of messing with people? There doesn't seem to be a good enough excuse to set the time ahead in the spring. Let's just let it be! Hmmm, I wonder if I could just not recognize the time change. Yeah, I'd have to adjust everything, anyway. Crap.

Sophia is seriously rocking the 6 year old attitude. The not listening is the worst part. She'll look right at me and do it anyway. Right now she's in trouble for 1) taking stuff from her sisters, 2) making me tell her 4 times to give it back, 3) telling me no, she wouldn't come over to me, and 4) running from me after she did finally come over. Now she's in her room for whining really long and loud because she was told that she isn't the queen of all, and needs to listen, and do what she's told. She told me NO! Um, not going to happen, sorry.

I'm still waiting for Glenn to call the girls. Something. He says he misses them, but only contacts them when I hound him about it. Typical for him, actually. He did the same with the boys. He likes the idea of the kids, but has no idea how to actually be a parent for any of them. Hell, even when he was here he didn't do anything, so I'm not sure why I thought he'd actually be a father once he decided that being an adult was too hard. Whatever. I'm just sad for the girls. Well, maybe not. I overheard Sarah and Aidan talking the other night. They were discussing how they don't have a dad. They came up with that on their own, I NEVER said anything like that to them.

I think my illness is starting to pass. Over the last several days I've been so cold. Literally wearing a long sleeved shirt, a flannel shirt, and a robe to bed. That, on top of a quilt, comforter, and flannel sheets. AND the heat turned up to 75. Yeah, I'm only wearing one shirt today. A little chilly, but not too bad. The fact that I didn't have a fever still baffles me. I'm tired, and my nose is seriously stuffed, but I do feel better.

Happy Birthday, Barb!!! Hope it's a good one, and you get some yummy cake. Everybody should have cake on their birthday.

Time Change

2010-11-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

We turn the clocks back tonight. Yeah for an extra hour of sleep! I remembered that this was coming, but then forgot about it when it could have counted. Had somebody not mentioned it on my facebook, I might have slide right through it. Not that it matters that much tomorrow, but next week it could have been bad.

The weather went nasty fast. Why can't we just enjoy the beautiful fall for a bit longer? It's not winter, why must it act like it? Hell, fall didn't stick around that long. At least the decent temperature part of it. I'm so not ready for this! I might have to take up Tania on her offer to hit up San Antonio. Though she has issues with flooding. No matter where you go, it's something. I just would have like to let the kids play outside for a bit longer. They are really bouncing off the walls, and I'm running out of things for them to break.

I hate this house. The lightbulbs keep blowing. That can't say good things about the wiring. I just changed out every bulb in the chandelier about 3 months ago. All but one bulb is burnt out. Top of the stairs bulb goes out about every 3 weeks. Both kitchen lights are out, as is the one over the stove. None of the bathrooms have all their bulbs working, either. I just stopped giving a crap. I'm actually starting to wonder if I just don't have any luck with electricity!

Being Sick

2010-11-05T11:06:00.001-05:00

I hate being sick. Especially when I have so much going on. I feel like I'm just running myself into the ground. What's worse is that today is more than likely going to be a toss my cookies kind of day. It's trying to happen, and I'm fighting it with everything I have. Just too much that needs getting done! Wouldn't it be nice to just crawl back in bed and get some much needed rest. Hopefully this won't go on for much longer.

Have I told you how much I HATE my newest (it's not new, I've had it for a long time, but it's not the original I had) dyson? It's a ball. From what I understand, by design it's made to not do as well. Every 5 minutes or so I have to stop and unclog the damn thing. I want my old one back. It could suck the chrome off a bumper. This one, it won't suck dust off the floor. Not even if you pour the dust into the dyson. Piece of crap. There's got to be a way to hotwire the damn thing.

DYSON UPDATE!: Holy suction, Batman! Just for the hell of it, I decided to see what happens if I took all the damn filters off of the thing. I think there are currently people on the other side of the world wondering where the dirt went. Yikes! So now I have to wonder what the filters really do. I know that the one in the ball is pretty much useless. Nothing goes through it, so I assume it's to keep dust out of the motor. The other one is at the top of the "cyclones", and all the particles go through that. I don't actually understand that, because the chunks and everything else go a different route. Hmmmmm. Is it to keep what I've sucked up from going back into the air, maybe? Damn vacuum sucks like a two bit whore without it, though. Yikes.

MMMMMMmmmmm Yummy

2010-11-04T10:41:00.002-05:00

My Scentsy kit came yesterday. Wow. The amount of different scents was a bit overwhelming at first. Then I remembered that they are set up in categories, and that helped a lot. These things smell sooooo good! I've got the most delicious smelling Toasted Caramel Sugar slowly melting in the warmer right now. They seriously aren't kidding when they say a little goes a long way.

I'm having an EPARTY!!. Come on by, look at the stuff! I assure you that you will not be disappointed with any purchase. Soooo worth it!

Pimping Myself Out - Also Pretty Excited!

2010-11-02T11:48:00.000-05:00

I got my first Scentsy sale today! I'm pretty jazzed about it. Now I know you all want to go check it out, so head to HERE and check it out. There's also a link to the right under the blogs I follow. If you have any questions, or would like to host an eparty, please contact me!

November

2010-11-01T16:49:00.000-05:00

Dang but this year has flown by. I cannot believe that November crept up on me so fast. The girls have done so much this year, with so much more to do. Due to necessity, I've also had to grow and change in ways that I never expected. Knowing that I am the better person, that I am strong, and I will come out on top, well, it's just priceless. Maybe it's not the way that I would have chosen to go, had I actually been given a choice, but there ya go.

It's getting cold out. I hate the cold. Eventually I'll manage to to move someplace that's a bit warmer. Right now it's just not doable. While some snow is nice, and the season changes is beautiful, I think I could give it up without much of a grumble. I'd still really love to live someplace tropical. Granted, I'd spontaneously combust, but that's the chance I'd take. Really though, I'd love to finally get to a place that I want to be. Soon I'll be able to do that. Here's to starting over!

Cold and flu season is upon us. How do I know? I feel like ass. It might be because I can finally actually be sick. After yesterday, my stress level cut in half. As of tomorrow, it'll cut a bit again. After next month, even more. Come next spring, I should be Jello. It's amazing how little my back and neck hurt. Even my hips have really stopped hurting. Now I just have seasonal cold body aches. I'm freezing, and I'm tired as all get out, but that should pass in a few days. I think Sarah has it, too. She's been asleep for the last 2 hours, and doesn't look like she's going to wake up soon. Poor thing has a slight fever.

So, does anybody have any good plans for the upcoming holidays? So many, so close together!

2010-10-30T19:24:00.001-05:00

Trick or treating done for another year. The kids had a good time. Beautiful weather for it this year.

Trick or Treat

2010-10-30T11:55:00.001-05:00

Today is: National Candy Corn Day

Fort Campbell is having trick or treating tonight, rather than tomorrow. The kids get 2 hours to beg for treats. I'm so not ready!! Hopefully the weather doesn't dip below freezing this evening. My kids are anti clothing lately, and that wouldn't be a good thing. Guess that means I need to get hopping on fixing the costumes!

The store has stuff on it now! Check it out. Order something, cause you know you want it. Come on, admit it.

On a sad note, Aidan and Sarah just came up to show me this little coat. I was informed that it was their little brother's coat, and they're hold on to it for him. So, now I'm crying. It's not really their fault, but it still hurts like crazy.

But We Just Settled

2010-10-29T13:09:00.001-05:00

He said that there was no true love. Click on the pictures to make bigger.

Brrrr

2010-10-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's a little after 10 in the morning, and it's 44 degrees outside. Okay, that's some cold temperatures. I hate the cold. What slays me is the 70% humidity. How do you have that much humidity at 44 degrees? It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand the humidity here, anyway. With that much moisture in the air, you have to wonder why there is a fire warning out, too. No rain in a lot of areas for a long time.

This house has some serious weirdness going on. Last night, as I was getting in bed, I hear this crash from downstairs. Girls are in bed. Cat is out and about. Nothing broken, nothing misplaced. Weird. This morning, an alarm clock that is NEVER set, went off. This is my sound machine. It was turned up all the way (it's always on the lowest setting) and set to rain (I always use white noise). Thing is, it's been turned off for over a week. Then this morning we're all sitting in the living room and there's a noise from the dining room. I go look. The mini blinds are swaying back and forth pretty hard. Again, no cat, all peoples accounted for. The mini blinds thing has actually happened twice this morning. Weird, I tell ya.

hmmm

2010-10-28T19:55:00.000-05:00

Bad move, Glenn. Very bad move.

How?

2010-10-28T09:50:00.002-05:00

Today is: National Chocolates Day. Y'all have been holding out, and that's just not very nice.

I would love to know the magic that makes my house destroy itself. We haven't even really been here this week, and yet it looks like a herd of elephants went through here! I clean it up, turn my back, elephants. I'm actually at the point of just throwing everything away. After the 5th day of telling them to pick up all the board game pieces and cards, and them not doing it, in the trash it went. Granted, they aren't their games. Risk, Trivial Pursuit, Fact or Crap - gone. They had dumped everything and then lost most of the pieces. Hell, I have little military men all over my back porch. Oh well, makes moving easier, I guess.

I really need coffee. I have coffee. I just don't want to make it. Interferes with the bon-bons and Oprah, I guess. It's going to become needed soon. On the up side, I've pretty much cut soda out. When I'd buy a 24 pack and only get one out of it, there's a problem. You wouldn't believe where the girls were stuffing the cans. Soooo, no more soda unless I buy one at a time.

It is 10 am. So far I've had to find all of the Halloween candy, as the kids took off with it at some point between 2am and 5am. I've TWICE totally picked up downstairs. The halloween gingerbread house has hit the floor and shattered. A giant bowl of water was knocked off the counter and went EVERYWHERE. Two containers of apple juice - all over the floor. Various water puddles mixed with what I just keep hoping is dirt. I'm full out exhausted.

Okay, Oprah calls, as that's all I do is ruin lives, make people suicidal, and sit on my ass! I'm so behind for the day.

I feel awful. My freaking hair hurts. Sarah won't stop whining, Sophia won't stop running until she knocks stuff over. Aidan won't listen. I'm getting sick, and I think they are very aware of it. GAH!!

Poor Trees

2010-10-27T10:21:00.000-05:00

I'm on paper overload! I swear, the printer has been going all morning, and I'm feeling guilty about the trees. Hopefully they didn't die for no reason!

Wish me luck, as I have a butt load of stuff to get done today. First stop - lawyers office. That's where the load of papers is coming in. LOL And this isn't even the half of it. Plus the evidence of felony. That should be fun.

Just Wondering

2010-10-23T14:46:00.002-05:00

If you had physical proof of a felony, what would you do?

What if it was somebody you know? What if it was a family member? Would these change what your actions were?

I Hate This

2010-10-21T16:25:00.001-05:00

My bill account is overdrawn. I don't even sorta touch it. The bills get paid out of it. Overdrawn. Glenn's account - overdrawn. See a connection? I'm about to head out and spend the last of the essentials money on literally a loaf of bread, a jug of milk, and beans. That's got to last until the 1st. Assuming he puts money in the account. Thank you, Dad, for helping out.

Oh, and I'm not saying we are starving, or have totally empty cupboards. That's not the case. However, there is absolutely no extra for anything. We'll be scraping by. Guess it's all those bon-bons and Oprah watching.

Been Busy Already

2010-10-11T08:50:00.001-05:00

I was up really early today. Why? Who knows, but I'll go with it. I feel pretty awake, so it's not a huge deal. Hmmm, what to do... I know!

An hour in the kitchen got most of the dishes (pots and pans that don't lead to good dishwasher fodder) are clean and drying. The stove is clean, counters are clean except in one spot. I just need to put dishes away and do the floor. We won't forget that one spot, either. It's stuck on sugar by the coffee pot. I'm not really sure how to get it up. A wet rag set on it didn't seem to do anything. I'm enjoying a pot, I mean cup, of coffee while I think about it.

Speaking of coffee, have I mentioned how much I love it? Oh yeah. I picked up some caramel flavored add ins (gotta love $1.25) and some peppermint hot chocolate ($2). Mmmmm, coffee good. For the girls I picked up some hot cider mix. Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. But I like having it here. Besides, you can add a scoop to pancake mix. MMMMMMMM

I thought that the big bug part of the year was over. I was wrong. Sophia got eaten alive the other night. As she has big reaction to bug bites, it was bad. I actually had somebody at the store ask me what happened to her. Poor thing has several bites on her neck and cheek, plus a couple on her arm. Thank goodness benadryl works for her, because nothing else does. Now to figure out how to tell the other two that, no, they do not get medicine just because Sophia is getting it.

Can somebody explain how homemade dish soap doesn't bubble? It's freaking made with soap!! I find it very disturbing. Also, is there anything that you cannot use Ivory on? Sheesh, that stuff is multipurpose to the max!

Oh, and check out The Brass Leaf Talks for interesting articles. Participate!! Yes, I mean you!

I Am SOOOOOO In Trouble

2010-10-10T15:02:00.001-05:00

I shouldn't have looked it up. It was the undoing of my brain. However, one of my wheel pegs for my spinning wheel is missing. As I bought it from the Woolery, I figured I'd check there for a replacement. When did they move the store to Frankfort, KY? That's a doable trip for me!! Good thing I have no money, cause I'd be so screwed. I do believe I'll travel and see if I can get a new wheel peg. Can't really use my wheel without it, because, well, the wheel falls off.

I'm very irritated with Sophia. There is almost nothing of the groceries left from the Aldi fiasco. Things like crackers and bread and whatnot were totally taken out of their wrappers and stomped into the floor. I kid you not. For packages of saltines, two bags of Oyster crackers - gone. They got into the pizza rolls and tossed those all over the living room floor. Why? They didn't feel like eating them. Um, no. So I ended up having to buy all that stuff again. Now I have pretty much no money for the rest of the month.

Did I mention the two brand new containers of dish soap? Yeah, those are gone. The containers were outside. Along with two containers of cinnamon, one of cloves, and one of nutmeg. All found dumped on the floor. I just... I don't know.

Spice High

2010-10-09T20:03:00.000-05:00

In Herb Quarterly they had instructions for scented mug mats. Okay, the geek in me said I must try this. Beat the hell out of some cloves. Then I added some nutmeg and some cinnamon. Mixed well. Put that inside a cotton bag I sewed. That all went into a heavy fabric bag, sewn shut. My mug was placed on top.

First lesson - cloves need to be whacked with a hammer on something seriously hard. There are lumps in this that make my mug wobble. Second lesson - ventilation is a must! I've got a serious head rush from this. It does smell really wonderful, but yikes!

As I'm not thrilled with the look of these, I'll save pictures until I work out a good pattern. Just know that it does work, and it smells yummy. It very much screams that it's fall.

Socks For Friends

2010-10-09T12:27:00.001-05:00

Early this spring, my friend Sarah (Sarah's Soap Worthy Life! ) asked if I could make her a pair of pedicure socks. Well, at the time that she asked, I was in a very, very bad place. I told her no. She never mentioned it again. (Love her for understanding!) Fast forward to last week. Sarah has had a few rough bits lately. I felt the need to go ahead and make her the socks.

These things are going a lot slower than I'd like. I started at the beginning of the week, and am just now getting ready to turn the heal on the first one. The pattern I'm using is Cookie A's Pomatomus Sock . I'm not making the full sock, so the toes will be missing. I also am not doing as much of the all around pattern, because she doesn't want the leg to be so long. Add to that the fact that I really don't have enough of one color to finish 2 socks, so the cuffs and heel are a different color. Lots of alterations. Have I lost my mind?

I sent Sarah a picture of what I had done so far. She seems to be really pleased with it. Hopefully it all works out, and she can have her pedicure socks. The woman needs a little happiness in her life right now, and if I can help that, bonus!

Pictures will follow once I get off my butt and get the regular camera out. Everything is on my cell phone right now, and it isn't playing nice.

Pictures!

2010-10-05T14:03:00.000-05:00

I finally found both my camera AND the cable to hook it up to the computer! Thought I'd share some of what I found on the damn thing. You might notice that some of these pictures are from waaaay in the future. I'm good like that! Naw, didn't realize that the camera date was jacked up.

I Was So Wrong

2010-10-03T19:54:00.000-05:00

Honest, I was feeling better. All day it's just been getting worse, though. Now it feels like I got hit by a car. I'm also queasy, and a bit dizzy. I've eaten, I've had plenty of liquids. It's not helping. Thankfully I don't have a fever, though it might help if I did. I just feel like total crap.

My vacuum cleaner beater bar wouldn't spin. I looked at it, and it's all jammed up with thread. I take the beater bar out, and the only thing I have on hand to get the thread off is an Xacto knife. Making sure the kids understood that they had to stay very far back, I begin to carefully remove the thread. Can you see where this is going? Yeah, it slipped. The damn thing went point first into the pad of my thumb. Pretty deep down, too.

I am now unable to feel anything that isn't pain and throbbing. It's totally black and blue, and hurts like a freaking bitch. I did manage to get the bleeding to stop. Took wrapping a baby sock around it and applying tons of pressure. The suck ass part is that I cannot use the thumb at all. There must have been nerve endings involved, as there isn't much feeling right at the poke site. However, on the other side of my thumb pad, if I even put a little pressure on it, my whole thumb is on fire. Good times, let me tell you.

I had a few panic attacks today. Those suck. They were bad enough that I had to break out the extra meds for it. The stuff I got in June to handle Glenn and his crap. I may need to speak with my doctor again, cause they really weren't cutting it. The dosage is half a tab, and then the other half if that doesn't work. Yeah, had to take both halves, and still was a blubbery mess. It all just needs to stop, I tell ya!

Another Sunday

2010-10-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

Thankfully I'm feeling better today. Not 100% as of yet, but better. If the feeling of not really being centered in my body would go away, I'd be happy. I hate feeling like I'm not quite all there.

The store site has had 215 unique visitors to it. Not bad for only being up for 3 days. I even got an email from the host site stating that it was amazing! Granted, that's most likely nothing but a form letter, but it also was chock full of things to increase views. Now, if I could just get somebody to buy something! Guess you need a lot of views first, and I'm doing that very well.

Oh Man

2010-10-03T00:14:00.001-05:00

I feel awful. I'm freezing, even though it's 77 degrees in here, and I'm wearing a tshirt, sweatshirt, and a fleece robe. No fever, just cold. My stomach isn't happy, either. Head hurts and I feel funky. Wish I was allowed to be sick. Anybody want to take 3 kids for a couple of days? Sadly, I think that Sarah is getting sick, too. Her cheeks were bright when she went to bed. Again, no fever, but there ya go.

It's been really windy the last couple of days. Not like a nice little breeze type thing. More like a frigid blast of Arctic. It's sneaky, too. It'll be nice and warm, just a slight breeze blowing. You get settled in your chair with a book or something, then BAM! The wind kicks up and the temperature drops. What's really stupid is that I've noticed that when we go inside, it generally stops blowing. So we play this game all day.

I've been working hard on the new store. It's up and running, but very much a work in progress. I'm pimping it all over, so hopefully it'll sell something. Hell, my friends are pimping it, too. I have great friends. I'm trying to keep certain people from it right now, which is why I haven't said the url. Soon, just not yet. If you can't stand it, shoot me an email, and I'll send the link to you.

Oh, and if you were listed on my blog list, and aren't now, please don't be upset. I hit the wrong button and totally deleted half of my stuff on the right hand side! If you were there before, please let me know. Cause I know I'm going to be missing something soon.

Oh To Be Young

2010-10-01T19:11:00.002-05:00

It always amazes me what my kids can come up with. Tonight They've been frogs, dogs, and bees. It pretty amazing to watch. I hope that they forever keep their imaginations.

I Admit Defeat

2010-09-30T13:33:00.000-05:00

With only about four months left to this deployment, I admit defeat. Glenn let me and the girls down. He backed out of every promise he ever made me. I was a fool to believe a single word he ever said.

In that vein, the plan goes something like this. I'll be selling off pretty much everything I have. That includes Glenn's crap, since he doesn't see fit to be a man and help his family. I'll be moving to whatever I can afford. So far that looks like either a studio or 1 bedroom, but we shall see. The kids will go to school/daycare, which will suck all of my money. I'll get a job at Wal-mart, or something like that, and go on welfare. Thing is, I know how this scenario ends. I have nothing for the rest of my life. Just struggle and hatred. But it's all I have, so I guess that's what I'll do.

Wish me luck, cause this will need to happen very soon.

That's How You Know

2010-09-29T17:17:00.002-05:00

One Little Slip

2010-09-29T17:11:00.001-05:00

The Dance

2010-09-29T16:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, I Suck

2010-09-18T11:50:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm aware that I've been slacking a bit on the blog. I really do have a good reason, though. It has been just beautiful outside. The girls have been spending as much time as they can outside, and I'm right out there with them. All too soon it'll be cold and gross. I figure it's been more important to spend some time with the girls. The blog isn't going anywhere.

I'm down another 5 pounds. Which makes almost 50 pounds lost so far. I found my waste! It's amazing. My problem now is that when I walk, my pants start to fall down. For you ladies who own fat pants, you know there are no belt loops, elastic and all. So, I've been folding the top over and pegging it. I will not spend money on new pants until I know where I'm going to land. I'd hate to need a new size again next month, if you know what I mean.

The girls talked me into making raisin bread. It sliced up beautifully. Sadly, it won't last the hour. Oh well, at least I know what's in it, and I know it's not a butt ton of sugar and crap. I'm horrified at the price of bread at the store, so I guess I'll be doing more breadmaking at home. Maybe buying some new breadpans (my old ones rusted) and using the bread machine to get the dough, then transfer to the oven. That way I can make more than one at a time. Does anybody know if you can make a loaf in a rigged up foil "pan" placed on a baking sheet?

Sarah and I have been talking a lot about an online store. She makes stuff, I make stuff. We just need to figure out the logistics of it. I'm going to get the embroidery machine out and dink with the blanks that I have. I should have plenty of things around to put pictures on. Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

2010-09-13T20:22:00.000-05:00

My baby turned 3 today. I cannot believe that she's not my itty bitty thing anymore. She was so excited to hold up those 3 fingers, and inform me that she was 12. I about died when she said that. It was pretty funny.

Baby girl got a treehouse/schoolhouse, some furniture for said house, and a family of skunks to live in it. Yes, my daughter got a dollhouse. She is in love with this thing. I had a hard time getting her to stop playing long enough to eat cake. Imagine that! She even uses different voices for the different skunks. Too cute.

I've lost a bit more weight. It's nice, but none of my pants fit. I can literally walk out of them all. That makes for an interesting time shopping, let me tell you! I had a soldier tell me that I was "sexy as hell", and that made my day. Nothing like being appreciated for just being. I actually found my waste! It's so cool. The more form fitting shirts have come out, and I don't feel stupid and fat wearing them. Let's hope they bring me luck.

I'm trying to get the online store figured out. I need to do something while I'm finishing up the medical transcription thing. I'm at $150 a week for food for 4 people, gas for the van, babysitter, and all the little crap the kids need. It doesn't quite go far enough. I did get paid $1.70 for writing a 150 word article about a river in China. It was a pretty crappy article, too. Go figure. I'm going to see if I can do more like that, because it only took about 10 minutes in all.

Lady Of The Flies

2010-09-09T18:12:00.000-05:00

The flies have been ungodly. I've been doing everything I can to get rid of them without using any pesticides. Nothing has worked. When the grass started being so full of them that it looked like it was on the move, I snapped. Time to get serious with the damn things. It truly is amazing how fast Raid works. There are a million little fly bodies everywhere. Trust me when I say it's not how I wanted to do this. Especially knowing that I have frogs out there that are eating these things. I just couldn't take it anymore. Filthy things. So at least the numbers are down. We shall see how long that lasts.

Therapy was interesting today. I guess I was a "lucky" pick to get the gal in training. On top of that, I think they video taped it. Lovely. She's not bad or anything. The problem was that she doesn't know what's going on. I had to go back to day one and tell her everything. It kinda pisses me off because I never got to what was going on now. I just hope that I don't have to see her every week. It would be nice to go forward, not back in time. Of course, it would be nice to make it through one session without crying. Though I have gone from an entire box of Kleenex to just a wad of them. That's something.

There are a lot of weirdos out there. I'm so not looking forward to being back in the fray, so to speak. Thought the whole dating thing was behind me. Here I am looking at it again. Now to just get them to look at me.

Holiday Weekend

2010-09-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

My Dad, Mother in Law, her sister, and my oldest daughter came down for the weekend. It was a nice visit. I made dinner both nights they were here to eat. Those people can eat! Hopefully they weren't just saying it was good. The turkey dinner was gone. I think almost everybody went back for seconds.

Megan picked up the car. She now has her very own wheels. I guess that means she's going to be learning how to drive a stick shift. She's never been really very good at it. To be fair, she's not terrible with it, either. The girl just needs practice, that's all. Hopefully she'll take herself out to a parking lot or something. Driving will be the only way she figures it out.

It's been pretty beautiful out the last few days. Not real hot, nice breeze. The girls are living outside, which is pretty much how it should be. They are playing and sleeping hard. I just wish that the summer would have been a bit less hot, so they could have been out all summer.

Sophia decided that everybody needed haircuts. She grabbed scissors and chopped the hell out of her own hair. All of Sarah's curls are gone. Aidan only lost the end of her braid. I don't know what she was thinking, but I cried pretty hard. Thank goodness Chris was here to fix it. She does hair, or at least used to do hair. Sophia is the only one that came out with it all messed up. It's hair and it will grow, but still!

I'm exhausted. Visiting family just totally wiped me out. We didn't even do anything. Hmmm, maybe that's why.

Presents

2010-09-02T15:14:00.002-05:00

Glenn sent Aidan a trike for her birthday. It came today. He was online, so I sent him a text message so that he could see her open the package - no response. So I told him again. He decided to get offline. So this tells me that his kids really aren't important to him. Only the fact that he's boffing some whore in Afghanistan. Nice. Hope you're happy when they hate you for it. (I promise you he'll tell me he was busy or some such bullshit. I know better. Love knowing people in really high places)

Now I've got to dig out Sophia's trike, cause she's fighting with Aidan. Of course Sarah is having fits as she doesn't have a bike to ride. LOL Soon enough, sweetie. If Glenn keeps his word, which I really don't believe he will as he's proven most untrustworthy, he should be sending Sarah a trike, too. I'm not counting on it, though. We shall see.

The boy has stopped calling his girls. Well, his boys too. At least from what I understand. Wouldn't shock me to hear. He's a selfish ass who just thinks that the world is grand because he's got no responsibilities. I guess his hussy is more important. I did learn that the night shift and switch of fobs was to try and separate them, but it's not working. His command has assured me that they are as sick of his shit and games as much as I am. They promise that they know all about her - I guess they haven't been all that discreet. So glad I continued forward with everything, though. Two careers flushed. The word stupid isn't even going to cover the actions of those two.

Did I mention how much fun I'm gonna have when they try explaining how all of a sudden they are married when neither will admit it to me? That's real manly, don't you think? He has NO IDEA what I know, and have proof of. None at all.

Pink - Who knew (lyrics)

2010-09-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

Pink - I don't believe you + Lyrics

2010-09-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

Dang Phone

2010-08-31T15:27:00.002-05:00

I've talked to my lawyer's office something like 6 times this week. I'm not that enthralled by these people, so talking to them a lot is making me mental. Go to court tomorrow morning. Should be interesting to see what happens. With any luck, everything will go well, and I'll finally be done. Yay!!

I'm not sure what these kids think they're doing. If I have to remind them that they need to stay out of the kitchen and they need to not throw trash all over... I'm getting sick of this constant crap. I'm literally going room to room, and they mess it up right behind me. I've swept and vacuumed something like 5 times already. I'm sick of it.

I'm trying hard to set up a viable internet business. I know I can do it, I just don't know how to get started, and how to market it. Actually, thinking on what's been discussed, it's 2 different businesses. I just know I need to have an income, and I don't. Some people are of the belief that they can ditch all responsible actions, and leave it so their children suffer. What kind of scum does that? Give you 3 guesses. Anyway, if any of you have a clue on how to actually get this moving, I'd be more than happy to listen. It's to benefit my kids, so I'm all kinds of willing to work my ass off.

My dad, daughter, mother in law, and her sister are coming down this weekend. Should be a good time. With any luck, the weather will be nice. Megan is going to pick up her car and she and Dad will be driving it back. It'll be nice to have one less vehicle to look after. I wonder if there are any activities going on this weekend that are free/cheap, and fun for all.

Oh, and MEGAN GOT HER DRIVERS LICENSE!!!!

Wow

2010-08-31T00:20:00.000-05:00

It amazes me just how stupid some people are. In the past two days that have been mail delivery days, somebody special has been informed by a couple of different places that not paying their bill would end up in garnishment. Love it. That'll go to command, along with everything that went on Friday. This week should be full of interesting.

I'm not sure what's up with the amphibian life here, but it's out of control. They are in the front yard and the back yard. Damn things keep trying to get in the house. I'm not all about having Kermit hopping around my kitchen. It's just not right.

I tested to do video reviews of websites. It pays $10 a site, and you only get like 15 minutes to do it. I got approved! Sadly, the only things that they have available right now are if you are living in the UK. Yeah, not so much. So I'll just keep checking back. Eventually I'll hit paydirt, no?

The transcription thing is chugging right along. Debbie laughed at me when I told her that these damn doctors talk 900 words a second. She says they hate doing transcription, so they go as quickly as they can. I can tell! I keep hoping it'll get easier, but because I am doing sample stuff, I don't get the same people over and over. If I could just get used to them, it would be all good. But noooooo.

I had some serious bad thoughts today. As I was pulling into the driveway, I had this huge desire to beat the crap out of the truck with something hard. The image of windows being blown out made me happy. I also was a little glad that the store didn't have any window chalk. The windows that I wanted to smash would have had quiet the story written upon them. As it is, I simply walked inside and hugged and kissed my girls. That took the thought from my mind - for now. I can say that I scared the crap out of two soldiers in the PX. My fist vs a very stout piece of furniture they were standing near. Watching grown men jump sky high is quite amusing.

Yankee Candle has all of their Halloween and fall scents out. Gave myself a major headache doing the sniff thing. Candy Corn smells good, but I'm not sure I want my home to smell like that. They also seem to have come out with a much, much bigger candle. I don't remember the size, but wow. Nope, I didn't get any. I have enough stuff to make quite a few, thankyouverymuch. No need to purchase any.

Due to the high volume of people bitching about my blog, I asked my therapist about it. He said that I should ignore everybody that says anything against what I write. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. That it's really good therapy, and it will help me hash out some stuff. Besides, it gets crap off my chest, so I don't take it out on those around me. Gotta love that. So, as much as I respect y'all, I can't and won't stop.

Happy Birthday, Aidan

2010-08-28T13:52:00.000-05:00

Today is Aidan's 5th birthday. She's so darn excited about being five. Sophia is trying very hard to make this day about her. Aidan, thankfully, isn't having that.

All week she's been informing me that she wants a purple cake. Hopefully they'll have one in stock at Wal-mart. It's all she can talk about - a purple cake. Aidan also discovered that there are tons of Tinkerbell toys, too. I'm going to let her pick out the one or two that she wants. That way she'll be sure to enjoy it.

Sarah's is up for the birthday thing next month. She's going to be 3. I just cannot believe where the time went. These girls never had my permission to grow! Children just have no respect in that area.

Rachel and Jay brought their cat, Andre, here to live the other day. They are pcsing to Germany, and can only take 2 pets. They had 3. So far, so good on the cat. He shoved himself under my chin last night. Haven't fallen asleep to a kitty by my face in a long time. Their kids were somewhat upset, so I've been trying to keep them updated on what Andre is doing. I promised them that he would have a good home, and never go to a shelter or anything like that. That seemed to help a lot. I really wish that we had managed to be stationed by them past Carson. We have kids that are the same age, and in the short time they were here, the kids had a blast. Like Rachel said, you never know what the future holds.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I spent 10 years being a single mom. I did everything. All the way up to when he deployed this time, Glenn kept saying that he was so happy that I was able to do everything on my own - being independent. It made him feel better when he was gone. Well, he wanted to be "head", which we've always known he was. Ask the kids, they can all tell you about those around the table conversations. I'm well prepared to take the reins again, since he wasn't all that capable of leading, anyway. What baffles me is family.

I expect nothing from Glenn's family. They belong to him. I get along very well with his mother, and that's a plus for the girls, but again, his family. Then there is mine. Why in the world, when the chips are down, and we are literally looking at living in a shelter and eating dumpster divings, would you turn your back? Isn't this when you would open your arms and heart and say you'll help? No, I get the "I really don't want you here." bit. Nice to know that. So we avail ourselves of the system.

Nice to know that Glenn loves and misses his kids so much that he DOESN'T CALL ON AIDAN'S BIRTHDAY. Even his dad and stepmom, who know exactly how I'm feeling about them right now, sent a card. I've reminded him a few times that her birthday is today. He cannot be bothered to call her and wish her a happy birthday, though. Granted, he does have a few more hours, but I'm not really holding out hope. Though he's been telling everybody that he's the only one that cares, and I'm losing custody. The lady from Kentucky laughed her ass off on that one. Something about the ungodly amount of proof I have on what he's doing, and the fact that they are having to step in and do what he should be doing. Anyway, let's see if he calls, shall we?

To My Blogger Friends!

2010-08-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

Okay all you blogger people, somebody has GOT to have the poop on this. I make laundry soap, soy candles and flameless candles, rosaries, stitch markers, and embroidered doo dads. I've tried the regular sites (see the right side) but nothing. Do any of you sell with luck? Do any of you buy stuff like this? How about putting my stuff in your store? Your friends stores? Great Aunt Tilly's? Seriously, the goods are, well, good.

I'm begging, there has to be somebody!!

Is That Fall I See?

2010-08-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

The last week has actually been very nice. We've been spending every moment that we can outside. Even had to bust out a sweatshirt the other evening. I haven't been cold outside since spring. The girls are going to need winter clothing soon. Crazy, because I just got all the summer stuff! Time is flying by, thank God.

How freaky is it that Aidan will be 5 on Saturday? I remember the day she was born. She's scared me like there was no tomorrow. Glenn was at NTC, and Aidan was 5 weeks early. I'd never heard so much frustration at being stuck in Las Vegas for 3 hours. Most people enjoy it, Glenn just wanted to get to the hospital. Five years old. My sweet princess baby.

Back to the fall thought, I can see the trees are starting to change colors. So far we have red. Nothing else. It's only one patch, too. Weird. Wonder if the insane number of butterflies have any indication as to what fall or winter will hold. I'll have to look that one up. Maybe that's why we have so many frogs. Hmmm.

Letter's And Notes

2010-08-24T20:22:00.001-05:00

Just reminding myself how much he didn't love me.
--------
dennis Xxxxx
to me

show details 9/2/08

Hey love... I just wanted to drop a line cause i know i've been rather busy lately. Sorry bout that, with taking over hxxxxs job it's been a bit rough. I hope to do better when i get back, as some of the stuff that was keeping me busy is done. I miss you, baby, I can't wait to get home.
I got a question for you too, what do you think of me being a recruiter? If i am in the top 10% of my class, i get area of choice, too. Just something to think about.
Anyway... I love you baby, and i will talk to you later.
Love
Glenn
--
Xxxxx, Dennis X Xx SGT MIL USA FORSCOM
to me

show details 11/26/08

Hey love, how the hell are you? It isalmost 6 pm local here in Bagram, and in a few hours I fly to Manas... We are slated to return around 05 am local on Friday, the 28th of November. I don't remember the hanger number, but I am sure the FRGy's have it, or it's on the website (vFRG). I miss you tons, and I plan to be nice and stinky for our first hug. ;) I would suggest that just you come to get me, which is probably what you were thinking, as I have you trained so well. I love you baby. I will call from Manas, and see how you are. Oh, and if you get a call at 01 am Friday morning, it may just be Rear D confirming flight info, or updating you on changes, like snow delay at Ireland or some shit. They told me to tell you that, so I told you, and my hands are clean for if they call and you tear into them for calling so late/early....LOL. Anyway, I need to let others on here, so I will call you as soon as I can. I love you, and I will see you soon.

Love
Glenn

Busy Day

2010-08-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

I have been on the phone all day. I hate days like that, because I seem to get not much done. Oh well, interesting conversations, though.

I don't think that praise to Aaron Shock's office can be given enough times. They are quick, knowledgeable, and ready to help. More release forms on their way, so that I can get to the bottom of the crap. It should be interesting to see what happens.

Learned something new today. I was unaware, as was the state of Kentucky, that I was losing custody of my kids to the state. That, however, is the rumor. It's not true, but still. Actually, I got a kick out of it when I heard. Especially when I found out who was saying it. It's amazing what people will try to tell others.

I'm tired. Sleep has been evading lately. Well, until last night. I went to bed when the girls did, so about 8:30. Was awakened at around 1:30 to my phone making message sounds. I never did get back to sleep. That's when the phone calls started. Was actually on the phone until 5:30, then back at it at 8. Not my favorite activity.

Got a turkey breast in the oven. I didn't realize when I bought it, but it's cajun flavored. It smells awesome. Add some veggies and rice and it should be a really tasty dinner. I need to pop some bread into the bread machine. Add that to the blueberry muffins I made for the girls for breakfast, and it's been a cooking kind of day. Imagine that!

Saturday Night

2010-08-21T22:05:00.002-05:00

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”

St. Francis of Assisi

Et Tu, Glenn?

2010-08-20T17:35:00.000-05:00

Glenn posted about his infidelity. Nice of him to put it out there

http://laughingtao.blogspot.com/

Friday, August 20, 2010

Seeking Unity

I am reading this book, which is a collection of articles on parenting, forgiveness, and marriage. One of the articles stuck out to me, called Symmetry on Ice. It discusses the Bible's view on marriage, in terms of Paul and Peter. A few of the main points are Symmetry, not Equality; Wives Submission; and Husbands Headship. Now, it's not talking about submission as a dog fetching the paper, but rather the view that the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. Wives should submit to that headship, and be receptive to their husbands. This doesn't place the wife at a lower point, because equality is an assumed state for them. They were equal the day they met, and nothing changes that, ever. However, the husband is the head of the house, and the spiritual leader in the family. His leadership should be that of the knight errant, rescuing the damsel in distress. He should be chivalrous, and devoted to his princess, serving her by leading the way to Christ, and to meeting those needs and wants she has inside her. He is her servant completely, protecting her, caring for her, and supporting her.

This is something I have missed, though I don't any more. To feel this is awesome, and I can only hope the feeling is mutual.

Posted by Glenn at 1:01 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Starting Over

In so many ways, the title shows the pattern of life for me right now. After a few bad years, with no light at the end of the tunnel, I had told Susan enough. We are done. And it's been a hellacious fight since then, for 8 mos, to make it happen. But it is, and I am so glad it is. My tolerance and compassion were strained to the extreme, and I am becoming more me again, finally.
In no way, shape, or form do I feel blameless in the destruction of the marriage, but I am doing my damndest to recognize those flaws, and work on them. Intimate Encounters thus far, seems an excellent counseling course for that. It is especially nice to work together on, and I have been blessed by God to be able to do just that.

I have been in counseling, which may have to pause during my sojourn from KAF, but I hope to supplement that counseling, and use those tools given me in this blog, and so keep the trend of improving going.
Life is looking up, I have plans in place for the future, and I am dying to see my kids again, all 5 of them, and some one who is as important to me, too.

Posted by Glenn at 4:22 AM 1 comments

Really?

2010-08-20T15:47:00.002-05:00

Okay, Glenn's girlfriend isn't very smart. She has a blog and she's trashing me Stupid in print

UPDATE Okay, so she took down this post. I knew she would. She did, however, leave Glenn's comment. A second post was added that stated how she wasn't talking about me, blah, blah, blah.

And in case she deletes it:

Saturday, August 14, 2010
people are very interesting...
Okay, I found out about this new site from a person who is now very important to me. I find that that I am so happy that i know have this. I haven't blogged in for what seems like forever. But then again I don't really use myspace anymore. I must say however that over the past few days I have found that people are becoming even more intriguing than they once were to me. Okay so maybe I should back up just a little bit....

I don't understand how it is that people can have issues and yet twist it so much to their own sotry that they really and honestly belive that it is the truth. It's like all of a sudden they turned off reality and turned on their own little fantasy world. We are all guilty of doing this from time to time, but I don't think we twist it so much that reality is now blocked out and our fantasy world is the true reality to us. Riddle me this.....How is it that youare having issues with someone and yet they never told you there was anything wrong and that there were no problems in the first place? To me sounds as though it was a perfect situation...well honestly nothing is perfect. I only know of one person in this world who was ever perfect and well I know with out a shadow of a doubt that none of us are him. To actually fool ourselves into believing that there were no problems at all isn't going to allow you to see that duh of course there were problems and that yes they were brought to your attention long ago. If you as a person constantly try to use what is a serious threat and it always turns up empty do not be surprised to find that one day that person is just like whatever just do it. And seriously we all have to take our own blame for the problems at hand whether it be solely on us as an individual or involving another person.

On that part I will pause because there are things that happen that we cannot control. Trust me I for one am perfectly aware of that. I am not saying in those situations that it is our fault, but even then there comes a point when you have to quit feeling sorry for yourself and pick up your pieces and move on. The entire world isn't going to stop because you had something bad happen to you. Simply quit looking for sympathy.

I also am finding it interesting how a woman becomes so damn dependant on a man to take care of them. A lot of women are like this. It isn't rocket science. Sometimes you have to be grown up and take care of yourself. I have found in the 6 and 1/2 years of being in the army that there are many of these type of women who exist. They simply expect that their husband go to work and take care of it all. NOT ALL MILITARY WIVES ARE LIKE THIS! okay that was my disclaimer. They don't care that their husband is dealing with a lot of rough stuff and that sometimes they need to be held or hear a comforting word. No they want everything to revolve around them. Then when one day their husband gets sick of this he decides he wants a divorce and then the real fight begins. And you know what the root of this fight boils down to? Money! Plain and simple its all about the money. They know that as long as they are married to an Army man, they have it made. It all of a sudden becomes dollar signs and thats what they want. They refuse to stand on their own two feet and realize they are just as much at fault for the failure of the marriage and expect that husband to take care of them for the rest of their lives. To this I say wake the hell up, get off your lazy ass, and take care of yourself. There are women who do it every day, why should you be any more special than them? Want to know how it feels to be in your husband's shoes? Raise your right hand and become a soldier. Again I say not every military wife is like this. There are many who are loving supportive women, who take care of the family in the absence of their husband, and ensure that their husband is well loved and supported. However it is the other kind of a military wife who is over shadowing the good wives!

Okay I am done with my venting!

And of course, the comments:

2 comments:

Glenn said...

It is sad when a person takes their view of reality and tries to force it on others as reality. Any other problem aside, that creates so many issues that you can't get to the real problems, and so chaos ensues, as we have seen. Order is returning though, and reality is coming back fighting.

I am glad you are writing, you said how helpful and relieving you've found it in the past, and I hope it stays that way for you now.

August 17, 2010 4:12 AM

Susan said...

People are interesting. Especially when they don't have all the facts, and the soldier that they are having an affair with is not all there. He's lied a lot, and he's going to lie to you. He has no idea how to not be by himself and to take care of his shit. He'll expect you to do that for him. And the money thing, that's per the ARMY and per the COURT. He has three children that he has to provide for. So what's he doing? Quitting the job that can do that. I supported him in every way there was. You might want to shut your mouth as you actually have no clue what is going on. Your command does, however. They were very interested in two soldiers screwing around downrange. Enjoy each other, because you'll face God one day, and you will come up very lacking.

August 20, 2010 1:34 PM

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"The bible does not say that good people go to heaven, it says holy people go to heaven." - Fr. Larry Richards

Translation: Being a "good person" isn't enough.