Saturday, September 03, 2011

It Figures

The theme song to Psych seems to fit every guy I've been in contact with over the last two years.  What in the world is up with guys?  Crazy.

Friday, August 19, 2011

You Did What?

The school lost my daughter.  I went to pick the girls up from school.  It's been two weeks, and has now become routine.  Well, I thought it had.  Only Aidan came out.  She was crying hard and very upset.  One of the teachers told me that she kept repeating "Sophia" over and over.  Aidan told me that Sophia was gone.  That can't be, I dropped her off that morning.  I look at the teacher, who then kinda whispered, "you have another child, don't you?"  Ya think?

The flurry of walkie talkie conversations around the school starts.  I'm starting to get worried, but I need to help Aidan first.  She's so upset that her stomach was rock hard.  She was getting to the point that any moment she might throw up.  After a couple of minutes I see Sophia.  She's crying and upset.  It seems that she had been trying to tell the grown ups that she was a car rider, but they put her on a bus!  She's never ridden a bus, so I'm not sure what they were thinking.  I don't know where the bus that she got put on was going.  I really am trying not to think about what could have happened had the bus actually driven away with her on it.

I did manage to get the girls calmed down and in the car.  I had to drive away before I ended up going to jail.  Glenn and I will be discussing removing the girls from this school and continuing homeschool as this has really messed with them, and is just another thing in the long line of what the hell that this school has done.  Aidan was so very upset by this that she wet herself.  I'm not going to have my children worried that they'll be unable to come home at night, and end up on a strange bus going who knows where.

With all of their stupid precautions, this should never have happened.  Not at all.  I cannot believe that it did, and I'm livid.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's What Time?

I'm not a morning person.  As far as I can tell, I never have been.  That being said, 5:30 is really darn early in the morning.  I don't like seeing it.  Even when I worked a regular day job I didn't have to get up this early.  To get the girls out the door on time for school, it's a must.  School starts at 7:20 in the morning.  I don't understand how the whole thing works, but the younger you are, the earlier you start.  The high school kids are just starting to hit the bus stop at 7:15.  I think that this state has this backward.  The little kids should be going later, in my opinion.  I just think it's crazy to have my very young children up so early.  They eat lunch at 10 in the morning.  Who eats lunch that early?

The economy is crap.  I'm struggling like I never have.  There are no jobs to be found here.  None.  I don't know if it's because it's a military town, or because it's such a small town, or what.  It's a little scary.  My dad insists that there are jobs aplenty up in his neck of the woods.  From what I understand of people living up there, this is really not true.  I've got at least two friends that live in his town that have been trying to get jobs for over a year.  It's easy to say there are jobs when you either don't need one, or already have one.  The reality is that nobody is hiring. Especially not a 40 year old who has been out of the workforce for 8 years.  I'm fighting an uphill battle, I think.  I do know that I'm scared to death that I'll never find anything, and that I won't be able to provide for my kids.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Bummer Post, Just Skip It

Aidan stayed home sick today.  She and Sophia seem to have shared something.  Sophia had a fever over the weekend, but Aidan is a few days behind.  Because she was so miserable this morning, and had a fever, I kept her home.  One week of school and she already has a sick day.  This doesn’t give me hope for the rest of the year.  I just hope that Aidan gets better soon.  She just looks miserable.

It’s been a long time since I had any real me time.  Yes, I have a few hours after the girls go to sleep at night, but it’s not what I’m talking about.  No, I cannot get a babysitter.  What nobody really has known is that I live in a pretty crime ridden area.  I wouldn’t trust my neighbors if you paid me.  There are police here a lot, sometimes for shootings.  Most of the times for robbery and drugs.  Two of the apartments across from me are drug havens.  There are people coming and going at all hours of the day and night.  It’s a little scary, actually.  Would you trust these people?  I didn’t think so.  It’s what comes from living in the cheapest apartments the town has to offer.  That being said, there are no sitters for me.

When I was single before, I had lots of friends.  I got out.  I did things.  I have nothing here.  It’s made especially hard when everything is so far away.  Gas is expensive.  That, and it’s a military town.  That means that people are constantly moving out.  All of the people that I did know here have since moved to new duty stations.  There are days that I’d give just about anything for a hug.  Grownup conversation comes mostly from my upstairs neighbor.  He creeps me out a bit, though.  If you saw him on the street, you’d think he was a homeless bum.  All the way down to the rope holding his pants up.  I only see him about twice a week.  It’s a lonely, lonely time.

My hair is falling out in clumps.  It’s pretty bad.  What’s left is almost totally white, too.  I realized just how bad it was after I finally had the chance to dye my hair for the first time in forever.  I looked about ten years younger.  The entire experience made me cry.  I realize I’m not 20, but I don’t want to look 60 just yet.  It’s almost all been within the last year that this transformation has come over me.  At least to this degree.  I’m going to end up a white haired baldish lady, and I don’t like it.  I’m tired, I hurt, and I’m sad and lonely.  Great combo, isn’t it?

I have to ask myself what in the world I’ve done to end up with this life.  I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.  Very little of it has actually been happy, and that which was, was a lie.  I’ve struggled for my entire adult life.  Tried and tried, and been burned so many times that it isn’t funny.  It’s like if it can happen, it’s going to be happen to me.  It would be nice if I could remove the cosmic kick me sign.

There were quite a few other things I wrote out to say, but I think that maybe I shouldn’t.  They aren’t happy thoughts, and I know that people get bent.  Since I’m a bit tired of being told how I should feel, or how I have to be, I’ll keep it to myself.

Have a great evening!

Long Time, No See

It's been a very long time since I blogged.  Life has taken some horrific turns for me.  I've only been this poor one other time in my life, and depression is threatening to totally take over because of it.  I cannot afford much of anything, including my basic bills.  Explain that to three kids who would like a treat every so often.  There are no jobs here, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  The love and security that we had just two years ago is totally gone.  We have nothing, and we continue to get nothing.

The girls started school at a regular school this year.  It's bad.  While the school is newish, the students in it are bussed from all over to diversify.  The school has failed to meet goals for years, and you can tell.  They have a zero retention rate.  What does that mean?  They do not hold any kids back, even if they should be.  They pass everybody.  While I keep hoping that it's because the kids are just that smart, it's not the case.  The school is also so poor that the entire school qualifies for free breakfast/lunch.  Oddly, I have a friend in Peoria who has the same program going on at her school.  It's a good idea.  I think it's great, but it's sad all at the same time.

They've also been coming home exhausted and upset.  The crying starts almost from the time I pick them up, and it goes until they fall asleep.  It's bad.  The reasons are always something that happened at school.  It always involves something with the teacher.  I don't know how much of it is true, but I have to believe that at least the emotional part of it is.  It really upsets me to see my girls so emotional.  My hopes are that it was just an adjustment period for them.  How long do I give before I step in and do something about it?  I'm not even sure I can do anything.  I hate this for them.  They were enjoying homeschool so much.

I saw this on my facebook status this morning:

Daily Catholic Blurb
"The bible does not say that good people go to heaven, it says holy people go to heaven." - Fr. Larry Richards

Translation: Being a "good person" isn't enough.
That depressed me, to say the least.  I'm am so not holy, nor do I ever think that I could attain such a status.  Good, yes.  If I try and watch myself, I can be a good person.  In general, I'd say most people are good people.  Holy, however, is just so out there.  What IS holy, anyway?  I know what I think of when you mention a holy person, but is my mental translation true?  It bothers me to think that I'm not good enough for God, even though I try and do my best. 
What do you think "holy" is? 
 

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

My girl turned 7 today.  She was so excited to not be 6 anymore.  It was pretty cute.  We had cake, and she got presents.  My tomboy wanted trucks, so she got a couple of small monster trucks to play with.  She also wanted a cape.  That involves sewing her one, but we got some fabric and velcro to make that happen.  I'll take pictures when I get it done.

Oh heck, it just gets better.  Not only did she turn 7 today, but she finally lost that first tooth!  She has been in such a panic about the darn thing, that she wouldn't wiggle it.  It was just hanging there, though.  I told her that she couldn't go to bed like that.  She'd end up swallowing the tooth.  She had a fit about me taking it out, but she didn't even know when it was out.  I'm not even sure how it was still in there.  So, my girl has a birthday AND a tooth out.  What a day for Miss Sophia.

Glenn didn't call her.  He actually hasn't called since March 6th.  That was also the last time he picked them up.  He lives 20 minutes away.  Pathetic.  I had been wondering about what I had done to make this marriage not work.  Now I know that I didn't do anything wrong.  It's all him.  He decided to walk out on his family.  Couldn't handle being a father and a husband.  Him not having anything to do with the girls, and for sure by not calling his daughter on her birthday, proved to me that it's really all him.  I did everything right.  He did absolutely nothing.  It's pathetic, really.  He'll be the lonely one in the end.  I hope that he can live with his choices.  All he's done is nothing.  All the things he used to say about his ex that bothered him, he's doing now.  I have no compassion for that.  Sophia asked me when I was going to get her a new daddy.  Hopefully that will happen with a quickness, because Glenn most certainly doesn't deserve the role.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Hey Everybody!!

I am $500 from Star Consultant!  Please go to my Scentsy site and place an order!  Help me out with this one.  I'd REALLY like to make this happen, so run to the site and place that order now!!  Every little bit helps, so gogogo!!

Oh, and remember, most everything is 10% off right now.  What better way to get Scentsy products into your house!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Down To This

Hello everybody.  I know it's been a bit since my last post.  Things have just gotten crazy. 

As you know, I've been trying to sell Scentsy.  It was doing okay, then, well, not so much.  I'd really like for this to help me support my girls.  For that I'm begging for your help.  I need to sell $150 before the end of this month, or I'll be terminated from the company.  I'm out of people I know locally, so I'm begging for your help.  Please consider going to my site and looking around.  Place an order if something grabs your attention.  It really is an amazing product.  They back it, too.  Lifetime warranty.  Can you beat that?  Right now most of the stuff is 10% off, as we're transitioning from fall/winter to spring/summer.  Please, I know it's pathetic, but I'm begging.  Please at least consider it!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.